In laws affecting mental health

[Mummy9898]

So to put a long story short

i fell pregnant with my first child last year. Since then my MIL had it in for me. Threats, verbal abuse, even telling me my partner wouldnt be there for the baby ( it was a joint decision to conceive and he absolutely adores children). This goes on from the moment we found out till now …. Then labour was traumatic and i also had an episiotomy. While healing physically and mentally i was nagged when she can see the baby. After 2 weeks i agreed to because she was causing arguments over it despite my partner telling her to stop i mentally i couldnt take no more so thought if they met the baby we would be left alone for a bit. That did not happen.

fast forward a few months multiple times she has cancelled seeing the baby. Then threw verbal abuse at me and my partner saying we stopped her from seeing the baby when she was the one who cancelled on us. A few weeks ago she decided to ring my partner to let him know she only had one grandchild ( she has 3 but only classes his sisters eldest as her grandchild. She has also threatened to kidnap this child before) and that she didnt care about our baby. My partner stopped contacting her. A few days ago she messaged asking for pictures of the baby because shes “ not allowed to see the baby for whatever reason” so my partner explained after how she has acted and been she made it clear she didnt care so he felt no need to include her in anything. Her response was “ fine i dont care” . My partner then said he wants to give her another chance to meet the baby ( the baby is almost a year old now )

i guess my question is has anyone else experienced this? Or had similar experience? I personally feel a strong urge to protect my child from my MIL but i understand my partner may want his mum involved… i just cant get over whats happened

I can see that it would be irritating, frustrating and even concerning but why is it affecting your mental health?

my whole pregnancy was dealing with this and now its still on going. Even when i lost a family member only a few weeks post partum this was all on going and i was told “ the world dont stop being you have someone dead” when i asked for it to stop for just a few days . Mentally i feel like its taking a toll because i couldn't enjoy my pregnancy without this going on every month , then my labour ect and now still. I just feel like i havent had a break

dealing with such a rage filled and inconsistent person would affect my mental health too, especially as a new mother and if my husband was not fully on board with having absolutely nothing to do with such a person. I would be lobbying hard for not seeing her again.

This is my issue, from what my partner and his sister has told me shes never been a good mother to them either , to the point other family members raised them. Alcohol and drugs play a huge part but for my childs safety i would rather her not be in our life. But mentally im struggling because i get its his mum but this is now about his CHILD ?

He isn’t there yet unfortunately. So sorry you have to put up with this, it’s so draining. I couldn’t live like this either. Drugs and alcohol mixed up with all the irrationality and abuse definitely mean a decision to stop your daughter seeing her would be entirely reasonable. There is a book that gets recommended on here a lot - toxic in-laws/parents. Might be useful for you and your husband, to help you articulate to him your position and him to get some clarity on the situation.

She doesn’t sound well. Either that or she thrives on drama. Possibly both.
Just keep it breezy. Accept she is nuts and unreasonable. Don’t expect reasonable behaviour from her. If your dh wants her to visit, allow it but check out mentally. Just be civil and aloof.
No way should she be seeing the baby alone or babysitting though, she sounds too unhinged for that.

Not everything that happens has to affect mental health. She sound a cunt and I am sure you don’t want her in your life, so go non contact. No drama, no mental health issues- just gone.
Enjoy your baby.

Yes, It is quite insulting to those with mental health issues when ordinary life problems are said to be “affecting mental health”

I suffer from depression, anxiety and PTSD so this is affecting that which is mental health? I have just had a baby , lost a family member and having to deal with this all within a short space of time … if you find that insulting to affect my mental health then idk what to tell you… everyone is different what might affect you is not the same as what might affect someone else