Would counselling help after my partner’s sudden hospitalisation left me anxious?

[Anxiously9865]

About a month ago my partner was hospitalised after collapsing at home. It was very traumatic. One minute he was fine the next extremely unwell. I managed to get him to the hospital and he was treated and is back home and doing well. He was very lucky to survive. Although he seems to be recovering quickly I am completely traumatised. I am constantly in a state of high anxiety. It's very generalised so I'm not worried specifically about him I just feel extremely agitated and anxious. Part of it I'm sure stems from a dislike of hospitals, so every time I visited him I had to deep breathe before I could even get out of the car. Part of it maybe because I had no real support, he has no family and my family are a long way away. I'm wondering whether counselling may be helpful? In a sense it seems silly because he didn't die and he's doing ok, it wasn't me that was sick and I'm wondering if I'm just overthinking things. Any advice would be welcome.

Trauma happens when there's a significant event (your partner's collapse) and no satisfactory resolution to prevent it happening again – this can apply to a wide range of issues from childhood abuse to random accidents.

Your mind is a prediction machine; it tries to avoid bad things by working out what went wrong in the past. That's fine if we can say that the car crashed because we didn't have it serviced, or that the dog bit you because you startled it; but some things in life just can't be foreseen or prepared for – such as your partner collapsing. Accepting that we can't control anything outside of our own responses and actions is a good way of calming anxiety.

TLDR : Life happens. We cope.

EMDR can be very helpful for things like this.

I had EMDR last year & found it very effective. I had a couple of life threatening hosp admissions & was diagnosed with PTSD.

You're understandably upset and anxious. You've had a fright. Yes counselling could help. Equally it's potentially a normal reaction to something horrible.

You can leave it. See if it resolved naturally. You can talk about it, see if that helps for sure.

You're saying you don't have much support. A traumatic reaction is compounded when you can't put it into words after the event. It stays kind of undigested, by the body and the mind, so yes talking about it can help.

Trauma happens when there's a significant event (your partner's collapse) and no satisfactory resolution to prevent it happening again – this can apply to a wide range of issues from childhood abuse to random accidents

This isn't quite right - as there is never a satisfactory resolution to prevent anything happening again. Something can always happen again. Trauma happens when data enters the brain and body and it cannot be discharged, either by action or talking. So the body holds the energy and the mind holds the memory - it doesn't get archived. That's how EMDR works - it archives the memories so they don't appear as flashbacks. Somatic work can help the body because it's action, or indeed getting the body back into a state of inaction, of resting.

Also it depends on how you coped (which you don't really choose as you just sort of respond in the moment - fight flight etc)

The person digging out other people from the rubble is less likely to get PTSD than the person who is frozen. Sort of. It's kind of protective. But it's complicated.

Perhaps OP if you didn't have someone to talk to about the shock of him collapsing - perhaps you were there, perhaps you heard a thud, that's one thing. Then if you're body is left on high alert that's another thing. So getting the body back into parasympathetic nervous system - yoga, mindfulness, or running some people like because it runs out the leftover adrenaline. For example. Again, it's complicated. A therapist with an understanding of trauma may be able to work it out with you, yes. Or you can read around the topic, and talk to someone who will listen properly.

(also that data is life threatening or life changing in some way, or ongoing and there's no escape)