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Does this make me sound a bit pathetic?

10 replies

yousillygoose · 07/06/2026 20:22

I have cptsd from childhood s/a and a further 3 episodes during my teens.

I don’t like or trust 90% of men, because from experience, they only want one thing and see women as objects of their desire. (I am married to an amazing man, so I know it’s not all men by any means)

I’ve had years of therapy, I’ve learned coping strategies for when I’m triggered (sorry, I really hate that word)

A man I know through my job has a tendency to be over familiar, to the point it makes me uncomfortable but it was raised with him once a couple of years ago. He was told it could be contaminated sexual harassment and he backed off. All was fine. I still spoke to him, I was friendly polite and professional.

Over the last few months, he’s been starting again with the over familiarity and saying things that make me feel uncomfortable. I avoid him as much as I can but it’s not always possible. Last week, he crossed a line and said something that completely crossed a line (a comment about liking what was under my clothing). He said this to someone else whilst I was standing right there. This other person was absolutely disgusted and told my manager straight away. It’s being dealt with.

I feel pathetic for saying that this has sent my cptsd spiralling. Hallucinations, night terrors and anxiety have all ramped up again massively in the last few days and this is the only thing I can pin it on. Does this make me sound ridiculous? Having such an extreme response to words that weren’t even said to me, just about me. I feel so low, both about what he said but also the way I’m reacting to it. I wish I could shrug it off, but my brain won’t let me.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 07/06/2026 20:48

Your brain is trying to protect you, not hurt you. Trauma happens when we can’t make sense of why something happened to us, on the basis that if we can’t understand it, we can’t prevent it from happening again. Hence the flashbacks and nightmares - it’s your mind rerunning the event(s) to try and make sense of them, even though your rational mind knows that you can’t be hurt again. Look into hypnotherapy/remedial hypnosis or EMDR to allow your subconscious to let go of the past.

Junejunejune · 07/06/2026 20:51

Your brain sees this man as a danger because he is.

Changeisstillpossible · 07/06/2026 20:52

Not ridiculous at all

sarahbear87 · 07/06/2026 21:03

I think it's him that's pathetic op. Just another garden variety misogynist. You aren't being ridiculous at all and I'm so sorry that you went through that and that this prick has brought it all to the surface again.

yousillygoose · Yesterday 20:43

Thank for your replies.
I’ve felt so low today. My manager spoke to me about it today, asked how I was and said she was going to speak to him. He came in, as I knew he would (he knows my shift pattern). Manager caught him on his way out and had a word. In his words, he said he knew exactly what they were referring to and has promised to back off.
I feel so horrible about the situation, blaming myself and the fact it’s going to make it so awkward going forward.
I just want to forget about it now but because it’s dragged up past trauma, that’s easier said than done. But without disclosing that, I can’t help but think everyone will think I’m massively overreacting.
I just want to disappear right now. All over a stupid (albeit very inappropriate) comment.

OP posts:
OriginalSkang · Yesterday 20:46

What kind of job do you have? At my place of work you would get at least a formal warning for that

Edit: sorry, reading again he sounds more like a customer or service user?

Junejunejune · Yesterday 21:23

You don’t need to disclose your past but 1/4 women in the UK have been a victim of sexual assault so it’s not an unusual situation. You should ask your boss what they’re going to do to protect you from this as it’s the second time it has happened. Ideally do it via email.

StarsBeneathMyFeet · Yesterday 22:06

You’re definitely not pathetic! You have a traumatic lived experience. Someone is triggering those feelings again. The key thing with this is He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s been told before. He backed off. Things calmed down so he’s doing it again. He knew immediately again today what they were referring to. This is a choice he is making. I imagine he’s a creep who gets his kicks from making women feel uncomfortable.
I’ve had similar with a colleague (not as bad as you but a male colleague acts like my abusive XH and it’s makes me feel awful to be around him).
Your behaviour shows strength - you have been brave enough to report this and have management take action! If he does it even one more time, I’d suggest a formal complaining against him. Guarantee you’re not the only one he’s tried this with.

EllaSW · Yesterday 22:09

@yousillygooseNot remotely. Don’t give such thoughts a second more of your time. This behaviour is unacceptable, regardless of your previous experiences, and your reaction is normal and reasonable. What is your employer doing about this?

EllaSW · Yesterday 22:10

*behaviour from him, I mean

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