Feeling stuck with going out and rigid routines around being home

[Howcanichangethings]

I've got really stuck mentally..
I need to change a few details as I don't want people I know realising it's me .
I have a diagnosis of autism and ADHD,just for context
I don't work because of my family situation..so it's not possible for me to work..but that is nothing to do with me / not my fault .
So because of my family situation,I had to be home at certain times of the day .meaning I could only leave the house ,for a few hours a day at a time .
This was the situation for 5 years ..and will be the same for the next 3/4 years to I expect.
My DH has 2 days of work a week ,so on those days I'm free as bird .
Only somewhere along the way ,I found i couldn't go out at different times ,even when my DH was off work.
I make all kinds of excuses to friends and family about why I can't meet them at different times on the days dh is of work.
We go on holiday,and I follow the same pattern of needing to be back at the holiday time the same times I need to be at home .
I have had so much counselling ( looking at if it's trauma from childhood) I've had CBT at least 5 times ,once every year for the last 5 years ..I can't get further with the CBT than than sitting in the car outside the house at the times I need to be home .
I've done countless e consults to the doctor's..I get given antidepressants that I can't tolerate.and I get told this is normal for autism.and that I'm obviously just content to only leave the house at certain times .( I'm really really not)
I've become scared of where I live , scared to go out when it's busy ,scared to try anywhere new .
To embarrassed to tell anyone this is my situation
There is a whole world out there ,I'm missing out on .
But I don't want to go anywhere or do anything..I mean I do ..but I can't think of anywhere I want to go because everywhere feels to busy for me to cope with .
My doctor knows I've been like this for over 3 years now ,
It feels like my whole life is one massive pretence ..I'm just pretending that I'm happy and keeping busy ,the rest of the family come and go ,go out for meals ,go the pub,go to work ..and I'm at home when they go and at home when they come back ..my life feels like a prison,but one I've locked myself in .
I was told at one point by a previous doctor that I had OCD ,but nothing ever came of that or any medication..
I feel I've exhausted the doctor/ NHS / counselling/ CBT ..I feel I can't go back to my doctor again
I'm going to have to sort this out myself..but it's like something has got stuck in my head ,and I can't understand stick it .
I'd be glad of any ideas or suggestions

I was just hoping someone might of experienced something similar and had some advice for what worked for them ..but I guess it's a bit of agoraphobia,and probably not many people have experienced it

@HowcanichangethingsI dont have any answers other than to share that I also have no inclination to go anywhere and I can’t decide if the Drs are right and it “not normal” or Im OK to be introverted and a real homebody. I would like to do different stuff but do talk myself out of doing them. I know thats contradictory!
Look up the symptoms of dysmithia and consider if this describes you. Its not easily diagnosed and might inform your treatment better. Its called something else now but is a persistent and chronic low grade depression often resulting from childhood trauma.

EDIT there is a book called CBT for Dummies which you could read yourself and maybe try the exercises if you cant face the CBT appointments. Just a last minute thought. Could you tolerate a video appointment with someone? I found CBT a bit annoying/ not THAT great if I am really honest but tried anything offered.

@Howcanichangethings please ignore my comments I really haven't answered your questions at all. My short term memory is grim and I have gone off on a tangent. Im sure others will have lots of ideas who also have experience of ADHD and autism too. I feel for you as having long term and non successful MH problems is boring and lonely.

I totally appreciate you taking the time to reply,and I'm sorry your finding yourself in a bit of a similar situation .
I've never heard of dysmithia..but I will definitely look it up
All my CBT and counselling has been via video link ..I'm fine doing that ,I just can't get anywhere with the tasks they set me

Indeed it is .I completely agree

When I try to explain it to my doctor..she goes down the ,it's normal and ok for autism..like I'm choosing to go out at certain times ,and I suppose from her point of view ,I am actually leaving the house ,so I'm not totally housebound .
But it's having a huge impact on my life ,and I want to change ,but it feels like she just puts me back in my box ,with a attitude of this is normal for people with autism..but even if it is ( and I don't think it is ) I am asking for help and it feels like she is telling me to be happy with how things are

@HowcanichangethingsGPs dont come across more complicated cases and only have limited treatment options. I was lucky ! enough to see a psychiatrist privately through my employment. It still took almost 18 months to get sorted but I had alot more confidence in a MH professional and they have different drugs ti use. Maybe you could ask for referral to your local MH Nurse or similar. They are the gatekeepers to the next stage. But more importantly are specialists.

Maybe your DH has access to BUPA or similar and can add you to the policy. Your GP sends a referral letter to some sort of BUPA triage process.
AND many employers also have a free support line which includes spouses. He or she can get the details from the employee intranet page and no one in the company needs to know. Its just a telephone service which allows access ti free counselling which have had already but might have more info on what to try next.

PS Dysmithia is know to be resistant to anti depressants. I’ve no insight but it doesn't seem impossible that those with autism can also have depression.

And god yes. Those CBT exercises can be grim. It seems to be a bit of pot luck or throw the s£it until it sticks!