I’m at breaking point but convinced there is something serious physically wrong with me.

[Countrystroll]

My anxiety has spiralled massively over the last few months. I’ve literally woken every day gasping for breath and overwhelmed with terrifying thoughts relating to mine or my families health. I’ve been on Sertraline in the past but when I tried to go back on it last year it gave horrendous side effects with racing heart rate. I’ve now got a few symptoms that I’m linking to a neurological condition (excess saliva, twitching and general fatigue) and I can’t eat, sleep or function properly. I’ve not told anyone as dh is remission for cancer so I can’t burden anyone and really can’t face the gp as they absolutely terrify me especially if they refer me for my symptoms. I’m not sure the point in writing this but ai is not helping me and I’m so absolutely exhausted.

Any chance it’s perimenopause? Anxiety was one of my symptoms - especially on waking. Palpitations were another.

You do need to get to the GP

The first weeks on any AD is awful, but perhaps they can mix and match it with a beta blocker or other medication to sedate you slightly.

What about recent blood tests to check for any deficiences?

Whats the neurological condition?

@JillThePlantKiller I’m 50 so very likely not helping

It could be so many things that are fixable without being a disaster. Some of your symptoms sound like hyperthyroidism. But as someone who has experienced it, it definitely sounds like it could be PTSD from your DH being so ill? I’ve never heard of any physical illness that sound as much like PTSD / anxiety as yours do! You need to get yourself out of the hellhole of feeling anxious and you need a doctor to give you something other than Sertraline!

@likelysuspect … I will try to book a an appointment but even the thought is giving huge panic attack. I’m worried about mnd.

Have you had a full blood count recently? Are you on an effective dose of hrt?

@TheLurpackYears … not had a blood test for several years. Not sure about hrt.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you've been carrying an unbearable amount on your own for such a long time. Anxiety can be incredibly convincing, especially when you're exhausted and already dealing with so much stress around your husband's health. Please don't keep this all to yourself, you deserve support too. I know the thought of seeing your GP feels terrifying, but you don't have to face this alone.

I would be very willing to bet not an inconsiderable sum that it is peri, even if on HRT.
I am on HRT, find it extremely effective in many regards but still battle with debilitating anxiety, especially at night. I do actually have many reasons to be anxious but can usually manage those but when the panic / anxiety hits, it’s still desperate.

Are you on HRT? GP for full check up & bloods is a must, even a relatively innocuous blood result that’s out of kilter can have a big impact.

It sounds awful, you really do have my sympathies. I will not say definitively that there’s no physical cause but it very much sounds like perimenopause in action.

Just see this. Are you not on HRT???

that must be your first step, I can’t promise it will fix everything but it will help massively. And quickly.

Also just to say, even though I’m a rational person, and thankfully well, I have episodes like this where I firmly believe I have a catastrophic illness. I finally, embarrassed, said it to my GP, who said something very helpful: it’s coming from somewhere, and where is that? (ie, there’s something behind that fear)

In my case it’s being a single mother to 3 DC, no support, and a big worry that pops up about not being there for them.

In your case, could it be linked to all you have gone through with DH?

Thank you all… I’m trying not to cry as everyone is so nice to me…I don’t think I have ever been so low. I would usually confined in my mum but my dad had just been told his cancer is terminal so I’m trying to be strong for her.

This video on morning anxiety (AKA the cortisol awakening response) might help; just knowing that it's natural can help enormously.

Sorry to hear this OP.

I have had lifelong battles with anxiety, particularly health anxiety. Sertraline worked for me at times but had other side effects I wasn’t keen on. Now I’m on HRT and it does a marvellous job of minimising my anxiety.

Please book an appointment. If it is something else, you need to know. But if it is ‘just’ health anxiety, it still needs treating and HRT could be a huge help. 💐

i just came on to say my very dear friend has suffered acute anxiety and panic attacks since she was told she was in remission from cancer. She was fine throughout treatment. Her symptoms (some sound like yours) began when they cut her loose, said she was in remission and sent her on her way. She is seeing a counsellor to help her explore her feelings. If you had a general check up and there isn’t anything physically wrong, it would be worth considering, especially if you don’t want to worry your husband.

One of my children also had cancer and I recall those night time wakings, gasping for breath, heart racing, thinking what’s wrong? What’s wrong? And thinking I might be having a stroke or heart attack.

look after yourself. Cancer has a profound impact on everyone in a family, but it does get better over time - as you can see by the way I thought of my friends cancer first, and my son’s second.

Oh OP I'm so sorry you're feeling this...I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I've had terrible health anxiety in the past, then some really bad times (when switching medicines so tapering one down and then the next up) and now less but it's always lurking in the background.

I can imagine (and remember) just how scared you feel. And of course, I know that it doesn't matter if the doctor says its highly unlikely you have whatever your symptoms point to or how many times you tell yourself to think logically about the extremely small chance of it being true (that's still a chance rght? Why wouldn't it be me?...that's all I could think about, even after a very reassuring phone call from a lovely GP last time).

I don't have a good solution for you, I wish I did. Only lots of hugs/understanding/love...

I don't ever want to recommend pills to anyone, because I very strongly dislike the fact that I can't manage without them. But, my medicine is the only thing that keeps me on track.

You're in my thoughts and I'm very sure you will get through this in one piece even if you can't believe it right now. Just hold on :)

Sweetie, you are trying to be strong for everyone else and you need some time and space to be kind to yourself. Please visit your Doctor and tell them what you have written down on here. Tell them the whole truth about how you feel and don’t try to put a brave face on. Get help now and look after yourself. I am sending you big hugs.

Oh my goodness, you've been through a lot with your husband's ill health, your dad's diagnosis and your own health worries.

You're the one who's always there for everyone else but who's there for you? You will look capable and strong to everyone else but you're crumbling inwards.

YOU need help and support. Start with your GP, blood tests, talk to them about the menopause and also consider therapy/counselling to talk through how you feel.

I really feel for you. Huge hugs 🫂 💐

@Countrystroll I was in your exact situation 18 months ago. DH had just recovered from a very serious illness (actually misdiagnosed as MND initially) and I began to feel muscle twitches, numbness, palpitations etc. Went to GP who suspected MS (family history). Over a year of various tests showed no abnormalities although physical symptoms were very much present. I began a course of CBT with a wonderful therapist who diagnosed me with health anxiety and PTSD unsurprisingly. 6 months of CBT worked absolute wonders for me. I can't recommend it highly enough. I really feel for you and hope that you can find a way out of this place.

Hopefully talking on here will help. Even a tiny bit.

I’ve had horrendous anxiety linked to perimenopause and health issues in the past and it manifested as very physical symptoms for quite some time.

Oh I thought you mean you had a neurological condition, you mean you're worried those symptoms might be something new?

You could ask for an MRI but one of the things I will say (without meaning to dismiss you) is that I have health panics and lots of similar symptoms, tremors, shakes, dribbling more easily etc. I find the panic of these is wearing off as my ADs are kicking in, but also understanding things like excess saliva could be aging (Im also very worried about Parkinsons)

Do you have something like propranalol to take in order to manage to get to the GP appointment once its made?

I will watch this as I get terrible morning anxiety and have to lie there doing deep breathing before I can get up.

I’ve been through similar in the past and it eventually stopped, difficult to say exactly what caused it, I think it was a mix of hormonal symptoms as I approached menopause, plus health anxiety that provoked further health anxiety. Over the last few years I’ve been tested for so many illnesses and have none of them, that reassured me. At various times I thought I had MS or MND. I’m now on hrt and wish I’d started it sooner as think it could have helped me feel better.