Does anyone with ADHD/ depression get this?

[TheLoneliestSnail]

I get to a point sometimes (usually when I’m overwhelmed for a while and can’t wind down or very hormonal) where my mood plummets. I get so tired I struggle to move and cannot think straight. I can’t get anything done.
None of the usual things work to pick me up because I just lose interest in everything.
Normally if it hasn’t gotten to this point I might listen to music, do some creative writing, impulse buy (just small stuff, nothing that blows my budget), eat (I know some of these are not healthy), have a cup of tea or similar.
But when I get to this point none of that does anything. For a while I try but I can’t get any relief.
I also have a form of ocd and when I am getting desperate, I give in to the urge to do rituals but that obviously just makes it worse.
I try to wait it out. Sometimes if it’s hormonal particularly it eventually passes.
But here’s the thing; if I get to this lowest ebb and I just let my mind go blank and think What do I want, my mind will come up with something really random and specific. If I get that and have it til I’m satisfied, it’s like my brain has been in a vice and and has just been released. I feel instantly relieved.
I know it sounds weird but it sort of resets my brain and it starts working (as well as it ever works) again.
Here is an example: one day recently I was really bad and at that desperate point and I thought of a box of these cheap bubblegum ice lollies I’d seen in the shop a few days before. I didn’t have much interest at the time but suddenly I had a craving for them. So I bought them and as soon as I started to eat, I started to feel better. The tension went out of me, I could concentrate and the tiredness went. I felt relaxed. I ate the whole box and I honestly didn’t even regret it because I felt so much better.
It was the same a different time but with 3 cans of red bull 🫣
I know this stuff is so unhealthy but I’m already on ADs and i still get like this. If I don’t do what I need to do to get my brain functioning again I can’t cope.
I feel like such a weirdo. What is going on with me when I do this? Need a massive dopamine hit and regular sugar won’t do? Is it the stimulants? It’s often things that are loaded with artificial colours/ caffeine etc. Does anyone identify at all or get what I’m talking about?

You're not a weirdo, you sound like you are just built different, my son has ADHD, ADD and Aspergers (he's built different too) and from what you've explained, this is him to a tee, if you ask him he can't explain it either but it's not about the physical item it's about the process of resetting the brain. Sometimes he gets so overwhelmed that he just sleeps for hours, other times you can snap him out of it by just having a conversation with him about something he's passionate about, or about something he's been thinking about buying. Life would be boring if we where all the same.

Thank you. This had made me feel better.
I spent years misdiagnosed with different mh problems and it is hard to move on from the perspective that something is wrong and it can and needs to be fixed. It feels better in a way to accept that maybe I’m just wired differently and I understand my own behaviour a lot more than when I was told it was “just” depression, but it can still feel very isolating and confusing.
I feel a lot of shame about how I am but I can’t help it.

Don’t feel ashamed about who you are, everyone is different and most people have something about themselves they wish was different, be comfortable with who you are, focus on your strengths and your good points and enjoy life.