Should I speak to GP about this reaction to minor cock up?

[Notasmuchuseasatoilet]

I was asked to do something yesterday as part of a group of three - something this group has done before together and separately, and not at all difficult. I was really honoured to be asked, and was looking forward to it. We managed to mess up a fairly major part of it - partly miscommunication between the three of us, and partly one of the others seemingly having a brain fart. It happens - it didn't stop the purpose of the thing but was obvious to others and spoilt something lovely.

Most people I imagine would be embarrassed and a bit annoyed with themselves but pass it off and get on with their day - but my reaction seems to have been totally disproportionate. I cannot shake the feeling I have let down the person who asked us to do this and the person it was for. I had to leave straight afterwards as I didn't feel I could speak to anyone without crying. I literally went to scream into a pillow when I got home, and felt I needed to scratch and bite myself as punishment. (That sounds so stupid to write) and have been reliving it today with similar responses.

I have no idea why I'm like this over something so seemingly minor. I'm a middle aged woman ffs - I should have learnt to manage emotions by now. I've been really annoyed with myself before (obvs) and have given myself a slap (literal and metaphorical) but the punishment thing is new for something so minor. I don't think that is right - and I'm wondering if I need to speak to my GP. But I have absolutely no idea how to broach it. I haven't seen them about anything mental health-y before though have suspected a long running, low level depression/ anxiety thing, mixed in with hormones, general stress etc. But more of a "pull yourself together" type - it doesn't go away but is manageable. But I'm thinking this response may be suggestive of something more serious? Aaargh.

Could you perhaps wait and see if you feel better over time or if happens again before seeing GP? I’m not sure it’s a gp issue

I can say that disproportionate reactions, leading to thoughts of self harm, can spiral and result in actual self harm. If you are worried enough about it to wonder if you need to speak to a dr, then you probably should.
You say you are middle aged, my reactions, anxiety, inability to regulate emotions and thoughts of self harm, eventually leading to carrying out self harm, ramped up dramatically during peri. Sadly, it didn’t occur to me to speak to a dr, no idea why. Fortunately HRT completely got me back to my old self and back to being able to cope with life.
Maybe broach it with you don’t feel you are acting like yourself, wonder if hormones are affecting you, say about the stress and low level depression and anxiety and you’ve just had thoughts of self harm that have alarmed you enough to speak to the dr.
There are a number of deficiencies that can cause low mood, mood swings, anxiety, depression etc (B12/folate, Ferritin, Vit D and thyroid issues) so they should suggest blood tests to rule out underlying causes. I hope you manage to have an appointment with someone sympathetic and are feeling better in yourself soon

Thank you so much - you put it into words much better than I do!

I am actually on HRT and have been for about 8 or 9 years now (now 49), so I'd have hoped the weird hormonal stuff would have sorted itself out by now. However, I did move to continuous rather than sequential about 6 months ago, as had no periods for at least 5 years, and I'm not 100% sure that has worked so well for me, so I may tie it in with a chat about that too. I'm just a bit paranoid that they have been making noises about taking me off it and I'm definitely not keen on that. So want to see like I'm a model patient and tolerating it well!!

However the self harm , even though I hadn't considered it to be that, is a new thing so may mention that as well. And the blood tests are a good call too.