Hi all,
Context: my partner nearly died in December due to a medical emergency and since then I cannot stop worrying about harm coming to my son or me somehow falling in and leaving him behind. I am a good mum. We have endless fun and we do endless activities together. He is adored.
Last March I discovered what asbestos was. I knew it was a dangerous material but after my brother pulling out of a house due to it, it crippled me with anxiety. The nature of it being a long latency period and the inability to discover the level of exposure has crippled me.
As a result, I had a surveyor come round to test some artex ceilings. Initially, he was supposed to test 5 but he only needed to test 2 as the others were sandtex and wallpaper. This made me calm for a while but then I started to panic about all the other areas of ceiling that had been left etc.
We are selling the house and needed to get some ceilings skimmed and parts removed. So I had my son’s room tested by an additional surveyor- also negative.
During this time, I asked both surveyors to look inside my under stairs cupboard that houses the boiler.
Both said there’s nothing to be concerned about in there. However, more recently I’ve discovered what insulation boards are. The plaster in our cupboard is heavily damaged and broken half way down (assuming by age and the location).
We’ve also had a new boiler fitted and the plaster/ wall has been drilled through. I asked my gas engineer about whether it was insulation board and he said he wouldn’t have a clue. The boiler wasn’t significantly old- around 15 years.
I am plagued by this cupboard. Despite two expert opinions, I am convinced that it’s damaged ACM as Google says you can’t tell by looking.
My partner is telling me that we don’t need to get it tested and that if I do then it’s me doing another compulsion that will inevitably just latch on to something else. I fear that he’s completely right! I’m going back to the roof replacement that we had now and freaking out. It’s just an endless amount of stress that I can’t keep on top of.
The physical symptoms are crazy right now.
I can’t sleep properly, I’m not eating. I’m getting out and about for my son.
I’m receiving private talk therapy weekly, I do a hypnotherapy class once a week. I’m finally receiving CBT/ ERP beginning on Friday from the NHS with the hopes that it will refer me for psychotherapy and to see a proper psychiatrist. The assessor believes I may have PTSD from what happened to my partner.
There’s no real reason in me writing this. I’m just absolutely convinced my child will get unwell and it will be my fault. If anything ever happened to him I could not live.
Has anyone got better?