RANT: Does anyone else find that other people can be cruel / critical in their assessment of you and what is going on?

[electra]

I have some sort of problem, although I don't know what it is yet - my psychiatrists have thought possibly bipolar, personality disorder and they are also toying with the idea that I could also be on the spectrum as well as these things.

Some people that I come across in every day life seem to think that I'm lazy, self-obsessed and spoilt, and playing at having a mental illness as some kind of hobby, and that because I look nice I can't have anything to feel bad about. That because I don't work I'm obviously bone idle and no wonder I'm not well - I obviously have too much time to think about myself.

The thing is that I like working very much and I am very frustrated with the chaos in my head that affects my day to day functioning but even when I try to explain it, people just don't understand. I know that my life is not terrible but that doesn't have a bearing on how I perceive things...

Please tell me it's not just me...

Its not just you.

I am well off, great job, lovely family, lovely house and I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression. If I even hint to the many acquaintances who wax lyrical to me about being depressed that I too may have some problems, they look at me as though I am barking mad, clearly undeserving of any sympathy and assume that I have no idea of the meaning of true depression.

People seem to think that mental illness can be assuaged by the presence of material things. It cannot.

I

Yes, that's exactly what I mean. People say things like "it's all in your head", well of course it is - it's a mental health problem! I know objectively that I don't have a bad life and I wake up and see that I should be having a good day but I still feel terrible and everything seems chaotic. My thoughts are very rapid and obsessive. Luckily I have been prescribed a drug which really helps - although it makes me very sleepy.

I'm sorry you have these problems too GL.

I don't have a mental illness but just reading your posts makes me want to send you lots of love and sympathy.

Electra, there are a number of personality disorders identified by psychiatrists. If I were you, I'd read up as much as possible about the various personality disorders and theories of what causes them. It will help you to understand better what's going on inside you and what your medics are trying to do.

From the brief description you've given, if I were you I'd look up borderline personality disorder as well as the others.

You could start here

Good luck.

Good luck sorting things out. Sometimes I wish I could get people to climb inside my head and see what its really like in here!

Unfortunatley part of having a personality disorder can be having the thoughts/feelings about other people that you are describing.

So it is hard to keep the behaviour of others in perspective.

Be kind to yourself - but also remember that other people may also be trying to be kind but your illness is making it hard for you to see that!

Good luck with it all.

electra, I am sorry that on top of all this you have to deal with ignorance aswell I think the others are right though, mental illnees is just misunderstood and alot of this country has a 'pull yourself together' attitude

electra... i know exactly what you mean.

just because you appear to be "together" on the outside, i know you can be falling apart on the inside.....its harder for peple to understand when there are no visable signs....

keep on keepng on... x

Thanks for all your replies. gagarin, you are right and I know that I often over think things and twist them into something they are not, but I am thinking of one particular friend when I post this who actually said "you are spoilt" and "you are self-obsessed"

electra, I think you need to distance yourself from that 'friend'

electra this isn't the same friend who said some horrible things recently is it. If so do distance yourself. It sounds as if they don't understand mental health issues at all.

Remember that you've been coping with lots over the last few years- and very well-you've organised so much for your dd etc etc so people see that side and don't realise that being able to do all that very well doesn't mean that things aren't hard inside.

It also sounds as if your psychiatrists have you on a bit of a roller coaster throwing forwards different potential explanations. That sounds very unsettling - for anyone.

I dont know what your circumstances are electra but I do think jimjams has hit the nail on the head with

"Remember that you've been coping with lots over the last few years- and very well-you've organised so much for your dd etc etc so people see that side and don't realise that being able to do all that very well doesn't mean that things aren't hard inside.
"

I remember my therapist even saying to me that I did actually come accross as very confident and every bit the coper and thats what other people would see too. They wouldnt see the broken person, the one who needed everything unravelling, someone who needed help themselves. They just saw the strong one

Huh? Not really a friend then is she?!

I think it is acceptable to say to a close friend "you seem a little self-absorbed - is that part of your illness?" but your so called friend is rather unkind. Unless she doesn't know anything about your health problems?

Hi Jimjams - thanks for your kind words (yes it is him - I really need to cut myself off) and everyone else too. gagarin - yes you are right, if someone said that I wouldn't be offended.

Oh he sounds toxic electra. Either that or he really really fancies you!

Either way I do think you need to distance yourself from him. He's being vile.

I think he does have an odd "thing" about me. Actually he has put the lid on it now by saying why should dd1 have so much money spent on her education. He can say what he likes about me but if he lays into her..... Apparently she needs to be with children her own age all the time and she will learn then - the old adage

No its not just you Electra.

I have what would probably be classed as a very successful career, nice house etc etc and work very hard.

When I had severe hormone related post natal anxiety/ depression however my family found it almost impossible to cope with or comprehend what was happening to me. Because I have always been the rational one who sorts everything out I think they were in shock but on numerous occasions they were really really horrible to me and said some terrible things. (With me the problem lasted for a number of years on and off and they did eventually accept it and were a huge support to me.)

I do think that unless you have had some kind of mental illness it is impossible to really understand the torture. I certainly had absolutely no concept of what it really meant. And thats why sometimes people are incapable of supporting you.

Im so glad that you are getting medical help and hope the medication continues to help. .

Hopefully the sleepiness will wear off soon!

Kizzie x

Sorry Electra - I missed a line out there. Meant to add that while I work very hard now (and always done) it was impossible for me to work when I was really ill. Nothing to do with being lazy. just impossible x

Oh dear god. Yes being round other children, that'll sort it all out won't it? Just like that And the money argument just gets me . Also shows the person has no clue at all. I think he needs to be binned - he can't possibly be providing an support or fun or anything nice.