Bipolar.. how do I tell him?

[GingerbreadHen7]

I’ve very, very recently been diagnosed with bipolar hadn’t told anyone that I’ve been going through the assessment etc. and still haven’t told anyone.

I’m really worried about telling my family as they’re not the most supportive when it comes to mental health issues, despite my uncle taking his life at the age of 21. I’ll give an example, I reached out to my mum because I was feeling suicidal she sent me a picture of her dogs and said “that will cheer you up”. They’re very much a “get over it what have you got to be depressed about” kind of family.

Myself and my partner have been together coming up to 2 years now and while it’s been rocky (admittedly because of my manic-depressive cycles) he’s stuck it out, been patient with me although we have been close to splitting a couple of times. I want to tell him about my diagnosis, I know I should tell him but it makes me nervous. I’ve seen so much stigma against bipolar and majority of people say it would be a deal breaker. How do I bring this up?

I think because you have been with him for 2 years and he has witnessed you being unwell it is different to you getting with someone totally new who has no clue. If you have managed to stay together through your worst times I think telling him wouldn’t make much of a difference really. May even be a positive as it gives an explanation for things that have happened?

I expect he will appreciate that have done something about it and have gotten some answers. Hopefully his response will be “Well that explains a lot!” and you can move forward with how to manage it together.

The rest of the family I would ignore for now. I expect they will never learn/change so don’t expect them to. You can tell them, they will say something dismissive along the lines of “told you there was a reason” and move the conversation on. Accept it, and move on also.

My husband had BP and he told me shortly after we met. My initial reaction was so what? Because I loved him and that was that. He was nervous telling me. I’m glad I knew because until his meds were stabilised ( that took about 2 years) for me to recognise the dips I could have just thought he was being an absolute dick and maybe ended it.
his family aren’t really the MH believers and we have similar parallels with the suicide, but they don’t say much other than they recognise the difference now
Your partner will have to know and in reality will probably be glad there is a reason for all the ups and downs.
please don’t assume you will just have the meds and be ok the likely hood is will need to change them or adjust them as they start you on a baseline.

my hubby has been stable for 3 years now and the only dips come if he forgets a dose - I’ve bought a tablet dispenser to prevent! 😃
Good luck you will get there

I would say this is sound. My DH stayed with me despite me being very unwell in my 20’s. Only been diagnosed in my fifties with AuDHD and attendant EuPD due to lack of management. He stayed anyway. You are now in a strong position because with a diagnosis comes help and support. Medication and therapy will help keep you level for longer and your (and his) ability to recognise to signs of an impending episode means you can get support in the early stages. If he has stood by you thus far, it is likely he will do so now - but check out support services for him too so he has someone in his corner.

Re family- i really wouldn’t share. There is only reason to do so if you believe they will offer support - and the fact that you suggest they may actually undermine you means that it is not helpful for you or your partner for them to be advised or involved. it’s sad when you cannot rely on family but not all families are created equal and your support system will often be a partner and close friends. But again, make sure your partner has the resources and support they need for both you and themselves.