Should I even tell them?

[FuzzyBumbleeBee]

Should I even tell them? And if I do how do i do it

I've been asking for help for a long time, I broke down on the phone to my mum the other week, it could've been last month but not longer than that
I was screaming and crying that I needed help that I was drowning

Apparently I do more than they did with my kids and that's my problem
Taking them out on scooters and having a flask of tea in the car after or to the beach which is 5 minutes walk or to free local stuff
That I let them do clubs, one each after school
This is Apparently my problem and If I stopped going on holiday every other year, heavily subsided by the in laws it would solve all our problems

They live 5 minuets up the road

I tried to kill myself on Sunday, I drove past their house on my way to the cliff

I am getting some help
The therapy person has already cancelled the first meeting and rebooked for next week
Work are looking out for me mostly

I don't think I want to tell them
I want to speak to them and feel safe and loved but that won't happen
I'll be blamed shouted at and then in a few months they'll blame me again for such a tough time in their lives

Is it worth telling them?
I just want to speak with someone but I don't really have any options till next week

I don't think you should tell them, OP. I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. Is your DH supportive?

In his own way, he's not got a diagnosis but it's obvious he's autistic
He has absolutely no idea about feelings even if I explain it to him 10 times which I have done so many times

Firstly, I send my love to you, and well done on managing work
Sadly, MH support via the NHS is terrible at the moment; getting help is difficult
I do not know where the children's father is. You did not say, but to my mind, getting out to the beach and supporting local free things is a good thing, a chance for you to meet people and wind down in a tranquil area on the beach. If you did not, what would you have? bored squabbling kids.
Are your in-laws your only family? Obviously, it's good that they have contact, but depending on the situation with the father, etc., maybe you have been relying on them too much, maybe they do not want to help quite so much, and of course, older people do have older points of view. Doing things with kids was more unheard of years ago; we amused ourselves.
we all need holidays, but if it is impacting you financially, think about days out, etc., and it sounds like you live in a lovely area.
In the meantime, can you research what MH help is in your area? try groups like MIND they will be able to point you in the right direction and they also have a chat line. Also places like SANE and if you really are desperate, do not forget the Samaritans. If it helps you are welcome to pm me as i have a lifetime of MH history

I’m sorry, this is your experience. It’s a really shit place to be. I’ve been there many times.

Do not tell them. Not now, at least you’re in way too fragile place. This is your business and they’ve made it very clear that they’re not supporting you

There’s a big risk that anything they say will make you feel 10 times worse and exacerbate the issue

People don’t tend to respond well to this information- Either about suicidal thoughts, many people consider them attention seeking or having made it suicide attempt people won’t be as kind as you might like them to be.

you said your Work is looking after you, Do you have private health insurance that might cover a short stay in a private psychiatric unit?

I agree that waiting for the NHS stuff will be a long time and it sounds like you need to help right now.

Sending you lots of love and support

I can absolutely understand why you hope that, for once, they will support and care for you in the way that loving parents are supposed to. Very sadly, if they haven’t done it by now, they are not suddenly going to turn into the parents you deserve. The Samaritans (116 123) or your doctor should be the first port of call.

My inlaws are my only help
They have the kids 5 days a week eldest is 12 they are amazing people
They go on holiday alot as do the rest of that side of the family 2/3 times abroad a year and they don't want our kids to miss out so they help
My parents think it causes our problems, financially it's a stretch but not a big one as if we were short they would still cover us

I dream of being admitted to a phycatric unit and getting help but we couldn't afford for me to be on stat sick pay
And honestly the only thing that keeps me going right now is my dogs
They are the only things that genuinely seem happy to see me day in day out if I couldn't come home to them I'd be in a much worse place

I don't have personal experience of this (my daughter had pretty bad depression and eventually we got the medication which was life changing), but didn't want to read and run.

You sound like you're doing everything you can to help yourself - would you be able to get a GP appointment sooner than the therapist one? Just to explore medication sooner maybe?

I wouldn't tell your parents at this stage, it doesn't sound like you'd get the response you're hoping for. I hope therapy can help with the relationship with them (I had therapy and it definitely helped me understand them better and I hold less resentment than I used to).

It sounds like your in laws are amazing, I'm glad you have their support. DH is autistic too and once you start therapy it would probably be useful to explore that as well, as it can be hard to be with an autistic person.

Hold your lovely dogs close. As far as not being able to afford to be on SSP it might be that taking some time to get better will cost less in the long run than if you don't take the time to look after yourself right now. Completely agree with speaking to MIND as they should have some good advice.

Good luck. Keep talking on here in the meantime xx

I don't trust my gp surgery, they've breached gdpr with my details 3 times I know of
I only found out as the woman with the same name, different spelling, used to work opposite me and asked I f I was on x y z medication
I have called and asked to be put back on medication but they are not people I could speak with

I will give mind a look once I finish work as I start in a few minutes

Thank you all for replying

If you are in work some workplaces offer counselling as part of employee benefits.

the Samaritans are also available to talk to on 116 123

personslly I found anti depressants helpful but I know not everyone does.

If you're feeling suicidal - you can always call the Crisis Line - the NHS has one. Help with mental well being from NHS is shocking at the minute but they can offer you online group counselling - that may be quicker. See what support is around your area - talking to someone will help.