Anxiety rearing its ugly head again - BIG TIME

[lucyellensmum]

Heeellp!

I have been on citalopram 40mg for just about a year now. OVer the past few weeks i have set out deliberately to be positive and overcome my depression. Despite a major stress on Friday i managed not to go down the self pity road i often go down. It was a bit of financial overdramatics and crap advice, which has turned into something positive.

Since then, and even a few days before the anxiety is back with a vengance. I wake up literally shaking and have to hang on to DP with my eyes shut until i feel safe. I am doing loads of ridiculous health checks (finger up the bottom being the latest sorry for the TMI, just wanting to illustrate the ridiculousness of it all). Getting irritated with DD being "in my face" she is going thorugh a scrambling all over me phase. Normally i would be revelling in the cuddles but have found myself pushing her away. Im hiding on mumsnet just now .

I did have some alcohol on friday night, surely i still wouldnt be suffering because of that, alcohol usually OK for me, i dont drink much at all.

I just feel like everything is "goig too fast" and that stuff is whoosing (literally) past my head. I'm terrified. I want to take DD out but im too agitated and afraid.

I am supposed to be doing a presentation at a school on Tuesday, to have a go, see if i might like teaching for a career - maybe that is why i am scared, but i felt really positive after the meeting with my old supervisor about it.

WHATS GOING ON????? I think im pre menstural (have a marina coil and spotting)

Please help me, im trying to be positive, but im scared i'm losing the plot again.

[lucyellensmum]

i dont mind having my mind altered I have an appointment for GP on Thursday. Hopefully will get something sorted, but i feel that it is therapy i need rather than more drugs.

[cafebistro]

I had cognitive behavioural therapy and felt it really helped at the time. Hope everything goes well for you on thurs.

[lucyellensmum]

I DID it, i DID it i DID it, i fucking well DID it I got in the car with other people, let someone other than DP drive me. I stood up in front of teachers and parents and lead a lesson on pH for 10year olds. Its not a big deal really, but this was the first bit of "work" i have done since DD was born and i feel fantastic about it . Ok so it took nearly a whole bottle of rescue remedy and a mixture of ADs and antihistamines and i was quite relaxed.

I think i was more nervous about today than i had realised, as i feel OK now. Will know in the morning when i tend to feel really shit.

Sorry for the self praise but, well..........i did it!!!!

[cafebistro]

Good for you!

[loopylou6]

well done LEM

[lucyellensmum]

wtf????? i feel terrible again, i have all day, for NO reason whatsoever. Went to the doctors yesterday and she sympathised about the CBT and said whilst its officially available on the NHS there are no practitioners who are willing to take NHS pateints in this area she prescribed more drugs but ive lost the script. DP is working all weekend when i was really looking forward to some time with him on Sunday, but no, i'll be lucky to grab a few hours sunday morning.

I just feel awful, butterflies in my stomach - in fact i tick ALL the boxes on the bumf the doc gave me. I cant concentrate, i have been walking from one room to another all day, starting jobs and leaving them undone, to the point where i have started DDs dinner three times. Everything is rushing past my head. DPs fallen asleep and im terrified, please help - again aarrrrghh

[MrsJonnyDepp]

Hello!

How are you now?

I hated being terrified and feeling alone at night. Did you feel better after you posted - so sorry no one was around...

[lucyellensmum]

Thanks MJD - i feel better now thanks Its been an odd weekend, but nice. Firstly, DPs client fucked him over for £2,000 (a VERY bad thing considering our finances) but he obviously didn't stay to finish the job, so came home and my friends came and we had a laugh. Still felt very on edge though and im sure my friends though i was a bit off. Today woke up extremely hyper this morning, behaving like a child who had eaten too many blue smarties. Been a good day today though and feel quite chilled, which is very odd after a positively awful week. Oh well, thats the mind for you, can never make its mind up.

[MrsJonnyDepp]

I'm glad things brightened up!

I'm sorry to hear about the money - it is awful how others (normally wealthy types) rip the rest of us off! I take it your DP is self employed - We are - and there is no protection!!

Take care - try eating the rest of the smarties - that might help counteract the blue [feeling sick face!]