I am incredibly lonely, what can I do?

[Fred92]

I'm a 33 year old male and I feel so lonely, it's unbearable. I have never had a girlfriend, never been on a date. I live and work on my own. I don't have any friends. I am always searching for clubs and stuff but there is just nothing going on in my area. I feel like my life is going nowhere and there is no chance that things will ever improve.

I have never been the type pf person that doesn't want to change and turn their life around. You know how some people have a problem but they don't want to help themselves, they just want to lie on the floor. I'm not like that. I have so much determination to change but nowhere to channel it. There just isn't any help out there that I know of.

I need to meet some Women. I don't know where Women actually go? Pubs are full of men.

Thank you for listening.

In this day and age dating apps are probably the best way to meet women.

Re friends, if there is nothing in your area try to find groups online related to your interests.

Are you religious? Or want to know about Jesus? I would say join a church, they have connect groups usually, some have men’s groups and it’s an amazing way to meet great people

Im so sorry you feel this way. You’re still young so please don’t give up.

Could a change of area help if there’s nothing around you? Is there any sport you like? I know people who have met partners through running and tennis.

Also might be worth investing in some counselling, sometimes we push people away without realising.

I really think the important thing right now is working on yourself and improving mental health self confidence etc, there are opportunities around to meet friends, local Facebook groups meet up app etc, you say you want to meet women, but if you are struggling with mental health it wouldn't be very fair on the other person to put them in that position, my priority would be improving mental health, find social activities make friends and think about a relationship later down the line.

I'm so glad you have reached out. Why is work not good for meeting people? Do you work from home?

Have you heard of Men’s Shed and Man Down? They are for men, but at least you’d meet people who might have sisters!

Id encourage you to volunteer - for anything. Volunteer for a political party, Scouting, a local sports club. Start doing some night classes. Go on a singles holiday. There are so many things you can do to meet people.
I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to put on a brave face and get out there.

Go to everything even if it doesn’t seem your thing at first. Park run. Local gym. Pickleball. Get moving as that will lift the mood. Volunteer. Meet people organically and that will build your happiness whether a woman comes along or not

I’d suggest expanding your social circle generally rather than focusing exclusively on meeting women - that may follow!
How about volunteering? There are loads of charities that need help.
www.ncvo.org.uk/get-involved/volunteering

Well done for posting. Would you consider trying Ceroc dancing? There are clubs all over the country, it’s very sociable, they run weekenders regularly. You don’t need to go with a partner as at the class you change round to lots of partners to learn the steps.

I go regularly - happy to answer any questions

Are there any mental health groups near you? Not to meet a partner, but to meet people generally. It massively helps my loneliness.

Good for you for posting.
I agree with others regarding getting involved in as many traditionally mixed activities as possible, be it volunteering or running club or whatever. By meeting more women in general you’ll gain confidence all around.

I'm in the Women's Shed. They're under the same umbrella. Where I live they're in the same building but are on different days. While I do like it, it's aimed really at older people -im nearly 60, and there's only one woman there who's younger than me (she comes with her mum.) So while I'd recommend it to, for instance, men who have retired (I'm trying to get my husband to join!) I don't think it's really something for the OP.

great that you know what is wrong and are trying to fix it.

Look up Meet-up and TimeLeft for activities where you can meet other people.

if you go to a new club or activity, you have to stick with it. you rarely make a friend in the first session but if you keep going for at least 6 sessions, things will get easier. Similarly with volunteering etc.

research shows it takes 10-20 hours of time together to become friend and over 50 to become a good friend. So put the time into an activity you enjoy and the friendships will have a chance to grow.

What do you like OP? Town or Country? Science, arts, sports, music....?

I'm taking a course with the local bee keepers association - good mix of m/f, all ages. I practice at a martial arts club, and run park run. Both good mix. Park run is great - you'll never be the fastest or the slowest. You'll blend in, meet lots of people and improve your fitness.

All are inexpensive. What about a cycling club?

Some great suggestions already. Don’t despair, you are still young so there is time to turn your life around. FWIW, I didn’t meet my partner til we were late 30s and we are still going strong over twenty years later.

Dating and relationships can be brutal when you’re lonely, so I think it’s important to focus on building some community.

Is there a type of exercise that you could do? It would have MH benefits, and you’d slowly start to get to know people in the class. Maybe look for a hobby group too. Take it slowly - don’t expect to make friends straight away, it can take months, but in that time you’re getting other benefits, getting fit and developing interests.

What kind of place do you live in? Like a small town? Are there lots of people your age around, who aren't young families? Could you move to a city where there's more going on? Then you can go and try lots of new activities and have the excuse of being new to the area.

I can highly recommend a tennis club as a way of meeting people. As a young adult, I learned to play tennis by having a few lessons with a coach, then plucked up the courage to go to ‘social mix-ins’ where there was a system to ensure everyone mixed around & no-one was left out. It was really fun gradually developing a new skill, the physical movement made me more confident & it was an unpressurised way of encountering lots of other people. I really think it was the best community that I’ve ever been part of though it did require courage at first as I’m not an extrovert.