DD 20 struggling and not sure best way to help her

[mugsandcups34]

I need a little bit of help regarding my DD 20. I have never suffered from any mental health issues and am always very positive so although I like to think I am being really understanding and helpful i I just want to shake her tell her to stop being so negative and enjoy yourself - my main worry is I feel I have to be on her constantly to eat and get out the house and I can sometimes get her out if it is with me - she doesn't have many friends so she relies on me for her entertainment really. She does have a job which is a massive positive but she doesn't particularly like it but she doesn't like anything - she has no hobbies or interests, she doesn't watch TV or read, she doesn't enjoy going shopping or going out. She literally watches Tik tok for the few hours she is awake.

She had a really bad time last summer with anxiety and intrusive thoughts and eventually with loads of persuading she went to the GP and they put her on sertraline - it took a while but 2 months into it she began to notice a difference - the intrusive thoughts started reducing, she got her spark back and she even went travelling for a month. Now 8 months into being on sertraline she is back to how she was apart from the anxiety is now depression. She has zero interest in anything. She goes to work comes home depressed sleeps for 2 hours has dinner which I have to cook or she wouldn't leave her bed goes to bed at 9pm gets up at 7am and does the same again - weekends she basically sleeps. She will not go back to the GP or try and get therapy. So a question to those on sertraline does it stop working after a while??? Do you think she may need a higher dose she is on 50mg a day? She won't contact the GP though so I don't know what to do.

From a massively selfish point of view it is like I am having to parent her again I have loads of things booked with friends and 2 holidays with my DH but if I leave her at home on her own for too long she would just sleep. I am due to go away for a little mini break with DH this weekend but feel really guilty as if I go she will not leave her bed for the whole weekend - can i leave her home alone or do I need to stay home with her to get her out the house each day? DH is really finding it hard to cope with it all ...... I am trying to see both sides but failing to please either of them at the moment.

I have never spent a day in bed, never worn pyjamas apart from bed, literally sleep for 6 hours a night as I am always out doing something or going somewhere so I find it so hard to fathom why someone wants to be in bed all day.

So how much support should I be giving her? Do I need to put my life on hold because I have learnt from research etc that this is not something she can snap out of it but I feel so upset for her if this is the life she has to lead forever!!!!

My dd had significant MH issues in her early twenties.

firstly, the fact she has a job and is going to it is a massive plus.

as you know, shaking her won’t help. Going away for the weekend and giving yourself a break is a good thing, it doesn’t actually matter too much if she doesn’t get up all weekend

I would focus on what’s changed. Anxiety and intrusive thoughts are really unpleasant - I got very bad anxiety when going through peri. Bloody nasty.

maybe try to talk to her about how the anxiety is at the moment? Not all drugs work for all people and it’s possible she needs a change.

my dd while she was back at home I did try to get her out and about but honestly there were very few twenty somethings around and she didn’t really gel with the older retired ladies around in our village.

does your area have twenty somethings around?

50mg is a very low dose of Sertraline. Would your DD be able to do an econsult to ask the GP to increase the dose to 100mg instead of having an appointment?

It think she is seeing people moving on with their life - 3 good friends at uni who have no interest in her anymore really, as well as the fact that her younger brother is off to uni in September her job is a bit dead end and boring but she isn't qualified to do much as she has no interest in study, She sees me always out and about meeting people and socialising which she hates (but I think wants to be able to do!). She also loved travelling which surprised me and does want to go again hence why she is working- I don't think she would work if she didn't want to go travelling again. She said all anxiety and depression was gone when in Australia (the other side of the world!!!) as she didn't have me or her dad to rely on! She stayed with my cousin and family all booked and sorted when the Sertraline was working!!

I had depression when I was a young adult, and I can definitely relate to your DD. Also, being an introvert really didn’t help either.

She is a little lost, in my opinion with no interests and not willing to socialise and losing friends and a brother while she is stuck. Social media makes this so much worse and only shows a warped reality. It might be time to get her some counselling (if she isn’t going already), sometimes speaking to a non-parent is really helpful. Jogging is great too (if she is into exercise). But this might be something that will last until she knows what she wants to do with her life and has more direction.

I think if you lean heavily on the things that she likes to do - travelling, for instance, it will give her a huge boost. When I was young I used to spend hours planning my next trip (so excited at my plans). I used to make timetable the places i wanted to see and photos that I printed out. It will give her something to look forward to. Maybe suggest she could join a travelling group for young solo travellers (if she goes alone), and this could boost her social side. I used to take regular small trips after payday, planning a weekend abroad by myself. This might be something she could work towards either by herself or with family.

Over time she might find more and more things she enjoys (maybe while in a positive mind during her travels), and will take up more hobbies in time.

Good luck op, depression like this is hard. It was for me.