Has motherhood improved or worsened your long-term depression?

[Alwaysthelastone]

Those of you who’ve been long-term sufferers of depression and have had kids, how has motherhood affected your depression? Has it made it better or worse?

It's definitely made it worse. There is no time to yourself to even begin to manage it. I literally cant wait until they are grown up because I can't see a time that im going to be able to rest until then.

Worsened 100%

Tho is so validating, thank you for sharing. I have 17 months between mine (aged 3 and 2) and I feel like every day I am in the trenches. Good to know I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing.

I’d say better, overall. Or, at least, I’m much less erratic now and the risks are not as high. That is also because I’m much more committed to taking my meds properly and sticking with therapy. Even on my very worst days, he’s still the light of my life.

Worse, much worse, I have a severely disabled 9yr old and I don't have an end date because he is so profoundly disabled he will always nees to be supervised and cared for.
I love them all, but the responsability and worry of parenting is not a healthy way to live for long term depressed people imo.

If I had known I was Audhd when I was in my 20s instead of late 30s I would have made different choices.

Much better for me. It has forced me to be very stable in my eating and sleeping habits, I need to stay regulated to support my child. She gives me a reason to live and is great fun. I do feel a bit scared when I think how it could’ve gone though. I don’t think I would’ve coped so well with a more challenging child.

Better. I have less time to think and I’m so exhausted I fall asleep more reliably, this pattern over the years has helped me. But my irritation levels and sense of humour have suffered. I feel quite suffocated a lot of the time and the lack of freedom/sleep really gets to me.

It’s been different at different stages. When there have been very hard periods in motherhood, I’ve noticed my symptoms of depression are worse. I think a main one being my own self-care, mainly with things like showering, eating and socialising. As they’ve grown, I’ve definitely noticed feeling loads better and more at peace. I still get down, of course, but there’s far more glimmers. Sending hugs, OP x

Why do you ask OP? I hope you are not fishing for stories on the MH board. Maybe share your experiences too?

TW warning - mention of suicidal thoughts.

What do you mean by fishing for stories? I didn’t share my experiences in my OP cos I’m interested in how becoming a mother has affected how people experience their depression, because my experience has been a very positive one. But often if you talk about your own experience in your OP, people focus on that (and being MN, will find a way to criticise you) then it becomes all about your specific experience rather than what I wanted to hear - how other people have experienced it. For me I feel like my son has saved my life. I was severely depressed on and off since my teens. I was often suicidal, suffered with addiction issues, never valued my own life. I didn’t care if I lived or died. It was even like that when he was a baby and toddler. I thought he’d be better off without me. He’s now 7 and in the last three years my MH has improved massively. I haven’t had a depressive episode in 3 years, which is far, far longer than I’ve ever gone before with stable MH in my entire life. Not saying life is rosy - I’m a single mum and there’s all the stresses on time and finances etc that come with that, but I love him deeply and he gives me a purpose and reason to live. That must be a stronger force in my brain than the the other force that was always there before - that I’m worthless and should die. Maybe it’s a biological thing, my brain knows it needs to stay alive in order to look after him. I don’t know, but I feel I have a valid, important reason to be alive, and I’ve never really felt that before. Mind you, i didn’t have this feeling when he was a baby, I still wanted to die. And it wasn’t because of how hard having a baby is compared to having a 7-year-old, it was far deeper than that. So I really don’t know why this incredibly powerfully negative, lifelong illness seems to have gone away. It’s not like my life has massively changed from when he was younger. I haven’t had therapy or changed meds. Although I have massively simplified my life and cut out a lot of people who were bringing negativity to it, so that probably helped, but I don’t think that would be enough to alter my whole outlook like this. Anyway, I’m rambling and probably not explaining all this very well!