At the moment, I'm feeling like anything can send me into a downward spiral. My ds is going through an ADHD assessment, and I needed to dig out old health records and school reports. I found record books from when he was at nursery school. He was there whilst I was at work, and I have this feeling that I missed out. I've never felt like this before. I've always enjoyed progress and seeing them grow more independent. Reading about him playing, laughing and being happy. Enjoying stories and snacks. I feel so much guilt and sadness that I'm always too stressed and tired to enjoy moments like that.
I also found my old school reports, which made me feel sad as well. It makes me think that I'm incapable of ever being happy. I've never been happy and I'm not sure that I ever will be.