Anyone else struggling and only hanging on for their child's sake?

[Missingsea]

My teen (only child) turned 18 this year and after being a single parent for so long, I'd envisioned this as a positive time, hoping to enjoy some freedom and new opportunities.

But, the last couple of years of trauma from a relationship breakdown, followed by supporting my teen alone through a harrowing mental health crisis, and then the deterioration of my physical health-

have left me traumatized, exhausted, and severely dysregulated and anxious.

I'm mostly in bed alone each day having multiple panic attacks, but also trying to save face and hang on by the skin of my teeth, to avoid the crisis team, (I'm under CMHT) so I don't upset and disrupt my teen's last few weeks at College before she graduates. (She is only home for weekends now.)

It feels like dreams of any kind of future have gone.
This is not a life I would wish on anyone. It's become only suffering and survival.
I'm only here for my teen's sake now.
I feel completely alone in this.

I guess I'm looking to feel less alone by asking,
Is anyone else suffering in a similar situation? Has anyone recovered from it?
Is anyone else literally just living/ hanging on for the sake of their child?

So sorry you’re feeling this awful op. I’m feeling very down and disregulated after a few bad months suffering with my mental health.
Could you access some help. I’ve been offered therapy via the NHS and Sertraline x

People say things get easier as the kids get older, but I found the opposite, things got harder as the kids got older.

I too have suffered poor mental health which was left poorer due to perimenopause and health conditions. My mental health has got better after hysterectomy and excision surgery. And HRT. (Surgery was Dec 2025).

And then the big 50 hit me and I started to grieve for a life lost, grieving my lost potential, knowing that my whole life has been about struggle, it's been a long suffering.

I urge you to reach out to your mental health team, you need support. There's no shame in asking for help and support.

Any dreams that haven't been fulfilled is because life got in the way, other things came up that needed your attention, let them dreams go and make new ones.

Take a walk in nature and feel the air on your face, sit on the grass and watch the birds busy with nesting season, what can you hear, what can you see, what do you feel?

Keep moving forward in life, one step at a time.

Life is messy, it's difficult, it's hard, but it's a journey and it's ours.

I tell myself that this shit show of a life is mine, I've weathered many storms and I'm still here, life hasn't turned out how I wanted it to, but that's OK, because I've learned so much. I now try to find the joy in little things. I'm teaching myself to knit, I don't know what I'm knitting but I'm knitting!😆

Are there any groups you can join in your area?

You're not alone OP, big hugs to you❤️

Thanks for this. It helped me today x

That sounds so hard, I’m sorry.

Are you on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds? They can make a massive difference. And HRT?

I think it's really common to suffer mental health issues in middle age, especially for women. Keep hanging on in there. Does the team have a number you can phone just to start talking through how you're feeling and getting some support?

Anything you do in terms of self-care like wash, eat, clean the house is good for you. I know at my worst people suggested going out for walks which I simply couldn't face, but being outside in a garden to get fresh air is good.

You’re not alone OP.
If you can, do one thing you like each day.
Make a cuppa in your favourite mug, use some nice hand cream that has a great smell.

Sorry to hear you've been struggling too. Yes I have some mental health support increasing it's just quite slow x

This is really beautiful, thank you ♥️
I think dreams and expectations make things feel harder when they don't shape up. I'm trying to learn to be present and grateful. I'm hoping to get out again once I hopefully get through these health issues.

I'm on mood stabilisers but still figuring out the right dose or if I need to add in a new med. I'm not at menopause or peri yet, so I have that still ahead too 😬x

Thank you. I have managed to get out of bed this morning, and make a coffee in my favourite mug so that's something :) x

Yes I've been calling them a lot, and it does help, though I worry I'm putting a lot of pressure on a low resourced, overstretched service.

I'm not managing to leave the house right now, but I have been sitting by the door for fresh air, and I managed a shower this morning. Like you said these things all do help. Some days they feel impossible.
I could just do with the momentum of enough good days to get back on track.
It feels like it gets to a point where the lower you get, the harder it is to get back up x

I’ve had a rough 18 months but actually whilst I’m still not 100 percent I’ve actually forced myself out of the house. It’s been a real struggle sometimes but just stepping out to the rubbish bin was a huge reminder of how beautiful the day is or not.

Get yourself out into the fresh air with your coffee mug. Tiny steps forward are the way to go. Before you know it you’ll take a walk around the block.

I joined a gym and I regularly swim. It does help massively. Exercise & being open to a chat at the club has been an enormous panacea for me.

I have been in your position, OP, more than once. I have been on so many SSRI/SRNIs and Sertraline turned my life around. I can honestly say that I am now eh happiest I have ever been in my adult life. I'm mid 50's, have downsized which was a gamble mentally, but I've always loved nature and the countryside and here I am, with my two dogs, now living my dream. Nobody to tell me what to do, nobody dependent upon me and in the main, nobody emotionally abusing me hence two ex-H's. I look back and think wtf was I doing wasting my fabulous life on them for so long. I am now my own person for the first time in my life - so much so - I wish I could start another life where I would have been a canine behaviourist. Too late now but follow the one tiny thing your heart has enjoyed. (I even take great pleasure in snuggling in beautiful sheets in my lovely clean, air dried bed. Taking time to to enjoy this simple pleasure is bliss). I look at how much my kids have grown and become independent and the little things we still do together and am watching them build their lives with partners, in their first homes, and I can't believe I would have missed all this if I had gone. And also how it could have ruined their lives. Strangely, the start of kicking my depression and utter blackness (I wouldn't wish it on anyone OP), was a friend bringing a few magazines round during Covid. Just that spark of interest (I used to love a magazine), gave me hope. At the time I had lost my best friend to cancer, nursing my DD though Parkinson's/dementia/cancer, cut off from my own kids visiting from Uni as dad was so vulnerable, and wishing I would fall asleep and not wake up. Things can get better and DO get better OP. Take care ❤️

This is lovely OP and put a big smile on my face, hope it’s put one on yours too.

I used to worry about taking time and resources from others, for me it came from a place where I felt others were more important than me and that their difficulties were more severe than mine, I even questioned if my mental health was really that bad, gaslighting myself. The thoughts that there are others in the world that are suffering more so and that they needed that resource more than me. Always considering others more than myself, and that extended to strangers i didn't even know.

I've learnt that I am important, and so are you. You're not taking resources from others and you're not putting pressure on resources, those resources are there for you, because you matter. So take as much as you need to get yourself back on your feet.

And a cuppa in your favourite mug sounds a good way to start the day xx

@Missingsea how are you doing?

if it helps I’m 100% only alive for my kids . It’s a hard place to be , therapy helps.