I fear I have developed an eating disorder

[bhgnrpusbpilates]

Please be kind as this is the first time I have reached out about this,I am 31 a few years ago I was slightly overweight ( almost 13 stone, 5’7) I have always been active and mindful of what I eat, but due to finding myself in a very bad place mentally for many a reason, It was bothering me that my BMI was saying I was overweight and started ordering MJ, with the intention to use It to get to 11 stone ( 11 stone 6 would have put me in a healthy BMI range) I was the kind of person who barely took a pain killer, however MJ took really well to my body, I had barely any side effects and coped really well with it and got into a routine of eating less ( although always ate fairly healthy) so feel I didn’t change my diet that much, and started losing weight at quite a healthy pace.
Not only does it control my weight, but I feel my bad anxiety alleviated and I felt in control of something, I am also keeping it a secret.
I explained my weight loss on anaemia medication putting me off my food etc.

Anyway, fast forward 18 months, I now weigh 7 stone.
I Honestly don’t know where the last 2 stone have dropped from, and can’t bring myself to come off it , it’s like my own little secret that I am in control of.
I try to hide how thin I am by baggy clothes and playing it down etc, but I am starting to think this is more about losing weight and I am mentally ill.
I am struggling to buy clothes as even size 6 is too big on me, the odd child’s jumper fits but struggle with trousers due to being tall, I am noticing funny looks from people I have not seen in a while due to my appearance, I still look the same in the mirror ( especially the face)
I do not know now how to get out of this rut.
I have no one to talk to about this

Sorry to hear of your struggles. Really think you need to talk to your GP asap.

Are you still on a full dose or have you dropped down?
Are you being honest about your weight with the pharmacy when you order?
Have you spoken to the GP?

How does the thought of stopping make you feel?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am struggling, in a similar fashion, to you so completely understand. It is hard to go from obese/overweight to normal and not retain fear of getting back into the overweight category. I also get a sense of failure if I gain weight (and I have) which I cannot shake and am old enough to know better. So, all of that to say that there are others who go through it, you're not alone, if that helps. You may be addicted to the feeling that achieving your goal gave you and now you don't know how to let it go. Can you not order the jabs, anymore? Start there?

I think you will probably need some expert help and specific counselling to start addressing this. Is there any chance you could contact the charity BEAT and see what resources you could access from there?

I think you are probably not seeing yourself accurately as you are significantly underweight and it will be visible in your face, as a size 4 at 5ft 7 and 7 stone.

Presumably you’re also hiding your current weight from whoever is supplying you with Mounjaro?

I have titrated down to fortnight injections at 2.5 , I cant bear thinking about stopping and even though I know I would look alot better going up to say 8stone i just won't let myself , it's like a control thing

Be careful my love. You risk heart complications. Pls see your GP to learn how to find a happy balance.x

Could you have a plan to reduce by a few clicks each time to get down to lower and lower doses?

The control thing is the thinking that is disordered and what needs to be addressed, plus the inability to see your actual size and the fact that it’s not healthy to be underweight.

I would say that you probably need medical intervention, quite quickly. The rapid weight loss and starvation will have put a huge strain on your body. You also have to be really careful about eating because of the risk of refeeding syndrome. To put it bluntly, I’m the same height and weighed
slightly more than you and was extremely close to hospitalisation when I last had an anorexia relapse. This is an urgent medical issue.

I imagine that at that low a does it's actually having very little physical effect on you any more and your problem is psychological more then physical.

For that reason i think you should just stop taking it entirely (reduce slowly if you like) but it's a therapist you need and to follow the strategy of someone with an eating disorder and doing some gentle, structured refeeding back to a healthy BMI.

As a plus you recognise your problem which is a really important step.

Go to your GP.

What weight are you entering when you reorder your injections?

Why are the pharmacy still prescribing for you? They normally monitor your weight

Definitely speak to your GP, best of luck xx