Struggling to bond with my newborn because of worries about her appearance

[ByHazelMaker]

if anyone passed through same experience, could you please advise 🙏🏻
I gave birth 7 weeks ago to my first daughter.. on the birth day i was scared because she came in with multiple birth marks on her face. To be honest i felt more scared than happy. After a few weeks she started to change appearance to resemble exactly her father ( he is not a good looking man)
I started to feel more sad that the is not going to be beautiful girl and i can not escape the idea that she doesn’t resemble me!!
all those feelings affect my attachment to my daughter and i am not enjoying her in any way.
any advice please

This is very sad to read. Newborns generally are a bit odd looking - I was told I had an unusually cute / attractive newborn, but looking back at pictures compared to now they are quite funny! If you are struggling to bond with your baby though, have you considered talking to a doctor in case you have postnatal depression?

Oh OP it makes me feel very sad to read this. Presumably her dad is a lovely person (after all you chose to marry him) so if she takes after him that is far, far more important than what either of them look like. Do you think it's possible that you may be suffering from PND, as this can affect your bond with the baby?

Please seek some professional advice OP, this is so sad to read and must be very hard to live with.

It is normal For a newborn to look like dad - it’s a weird survival thing so they know the baby is theres. Your baby will change a lot in the coming months and years.

this might sound flippant but there was a desperate housewives episode where Gabby didn’t like the look of a baby and she turned into a real beauty. So perhaps a more common thought than many admit.

What a baby looks like at that age rarely resembles their later look.
Most look like potatoes anyway 😂

Poor little mite. I really think this might be PND or something, can you speak to your GP?

It sounds like this might some intrusive thoughts related to PND or PNA - perhaps speak to your doctor? Mindfulness may also help you turn down the noise of your thoughts about how she looks/how she will look.

Attachment is about connection, try and do some things with your daughter to bond. Lots of cuddles. Having a bath together is nice, or going out to baby groups.

The first bit of having a newborn can be hard work because they give little back. She will start smiling and responding more obviously to you soon and you will start to see early glimpses of her lovely little personality.

I'm hesitant to comment too much about looks because I suspect you are ruminating on this, but, babies change massively as they age and for evolutionary reasons they can look a bit more like dad in the first few months.

Take it easy, reduce the pressure, spend time together and consider if you might be experiencing a postnatal MH problem.

I just wanted to say you are not alone. I've read many posts on here over the years from women with similar feelings.

The post partum period is a strange one, all that excitement and anticipation, and then you are awash wirh hormones that can give rise to all sorts of difficult feelings. Please go and speak to your GP about this. There are extra support services available for women in the year post birth.

It might all feel entirely logical to you and like this definitely isn't part of post natal depression and anxiety. But the reason these conditions are so hard is that when you're suffering from them you can't tell that you are.

You don't need to feel this way. Please seek help to help you find a way through.