A place to drop this.

[BlueCurtainBlueWall]

Can I just drop this here to have somewhere to put it. There are no answers so no replies needed but have no one or no where else to put it and see will it help.
The sadness in my chest and shoulders today is so heavy. Its like a vice grip of pain and I know medication will numb it but the reasons will still be there. I know I actually am a nice person but I'm sorry I can't ever say the "right" things, cant smile the right way, cant show just the right level of interest, cant be places at the right time, cant be involved with the things you all are so you know each other so well. All I can say is I do my best and try so so hard. I wish things were different, I wish I knew how to do it right. I just don't.

Sorry you're going through that.

Not saying that this is what will help you, but I typically feel better with projects on the horizon - even small things like going to a bakery I like the look of at the other end of town, or furiously pulling weeds out of the garden, or making real time to read a book.

I'm currently reading this book called 'Hooked' by Asako Yuzuki, and one of the characters in it has the same challenges you've mentioned. I found myself comforted by knowing that those feelings can be universal. It might help you just reading about it, plus it's a great book.

Just saying I hear you, and sending you some love and good vibes. Some days are so hard. May you have self-compassion and do something nice for yourself today.

Thank you for your compassion and kindness xxx

Are you ND OP? I think that's a pretty common feeling for people who are. On the other hand for some people it doesn't matter how much you do it's never enough. Those people are not your people, even if you're related to them, 'good' friends with them or married to them.
You sound lovely and you need to make sure you're kind to yourself. Be good enough for yourself , if others can't see it or appreciate it then let them pass you by.

@curlyfriess yes so have some understanding of why it is and where it comes from and wish i didnt know and didnt see how it is but how it could be. Yesterday saw first hand how me and my kids just don't fit. Its not me I wish I hadn't inflicted it on them.

You are resonating with me. X

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. The hereditary aspect of nuerodiverse conditions is a hard one as none of us want our children to go through the bullying, isolation, rejection, anxiety, struggle and general feeling of not fitting in that we have gone through. But we are powerless in many ways to protect them from this hurt.
all I can say is that the problem belongs to those who bully and isolate. They are the ones who should show some compassion and learn to accept that we are all different in our own ways.

i wish you well and I hope that the pain you are feeling eases.

You have no idea how much i appreciate your words. I thank you all. I hope you have peace and contentment in life.

It’s ok.
this makes me think you’re feeling out of place like you’re not fitting in with others. Do you think you feel like this?
do you feel like you’re putting on a costume/mask?

You are not alone with these feelings @BlueCurtainBlueWall i'm the same. Always on the outskirts watching everyone functioning so well, it just really stings that I can't be like that, I always seem to get it wrong. I didn't want my kids to be like that but 1 has autism and the other seems to struggle although no diagnosis.

Be gentle with yourself @BlueCurtainBlueWall sending hugs to you x

I wish there was a way to connect all of us who feel this way but least we can say "me too" on posts like this.

I also wish I knew where does neurodiversity end and mental health challenges begin and throw in PMDD and perimenopause for good measure. Its like wading thro mud in the dark every day.