Feeling sad all (almost all) the time - my age?

[HaveYouFedTheFish]

I just thought I'd ask here because this section will be where people with experience and knowledge are.

I'm in my 50s and in menopause - not peri, been over two years without a period. I do take hrt which has done wonders for physical symptoms (in late peri I had intense insomnia, hot flushes, much heavier flooding periods than ever before except postnatally and starting HRT pretty much got rid of those things, but I've also been much more anxious - worrying constantly about real legitimate whatifs but I know worrying about them is unproductive and pointless - and had brain fog, which it hasn't helped as much with).

For the last year I also just feel sad almost all the time, although I can be distracted from it and laugh, and I'm working full time in a job I no longer enjoy but that requires me to actually be physically and mentally fully present five full days per week - no home office, almost no "non contact time" so it's not that bad, it's just underlying default is really sad. I'm taking a postgraduate course with the vague idea it might enable me to move into a less constantly stressful hands on role but it all feels a bit much and often feels pointless.

Is this just my age/ lifestage/ the state of the world? I worry about the future for my teenage and young adult children, I worry also about accidents now, I worry about not being able to retire until I am 68 and not being able to keep going that long - I think those are legitimate worries and legitimate reasons to feel down.

I did see my GP a year ago and he gave me a list of psychologists I could call for an appointment but after calling a few and mostly not getting through at all, being told they had no availability or or being told I'd have to take ad hoc late notice appointments which just isn't possible with work I gave up. I saw the psychologist at work after being attacked there and she just made me feel worse anyway, so I'm not sure that's the answer for me.

What I'd really like is a really long break, not a few days but a few months - but wouldn't we all! Obviously it's not realistic.

My question is - is this actually depression or just normal in this life phase? Have others experienced this phase and come out the other side?

Yes - I have. Meno can be a dreadful time and you don’t really get any warning. I’m so much better now but I wish I’d known that the bad things I was feeling and feeling I shouldn’t have been feeling (if that makes sense) was part of menopause and not me crumbling.

Please do keep trying to find the right therapist or psychologist. There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel.

it’s not just adjusting to the huge hormonal changes, it’s redefining your entire identity as you adapt to growing into another phase of life.

I honestly am as happy as I’ve ever been now in my 60s. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too and hope you find your way forward soon.

It sounds stress related (to your job) rather than age/menopause. Either way it's not inevitable, so hopefully you can find a solution that works for you.

Thank you AtlasPine this is a really, really helpful reply and you're so right that it's not just the hormones but identity too - when I mentioned signing up for the postgrad course my DH unthinkingly said there's not much point at our age - tbh this kind of hit my sense of self! I don't mind getting older, am happy to give my age and don't mind having grey hair etc. but the idea of being too old for new career directions weirdly hit me hard, especially as I still have so many years to work before retirement age! It was quite the reality check especially as he was including himself in the statement and seemed to think it was self evident... I'm taking the course anyway but I'm simultaneously struggling to get the coursework written and feeling deflated by the fact that none of the content is particularly new to me, nor does it particularly reflect my workplace reality, so I don't feel I'm learning much yet I'm struggling to get the academic writing done...

Everything just feels simultaneously worrying, stressful yet flat and pointless!

Organising a therapist seems like yet another task to add to the list, especially as my limited experience with the work one was irritating and
pointless - I guess I need one who isn't "woo" and doesn't just spout meaningless sound bites. Probably CBT is what I need - I certainly don't need to be told to practice "projecting confidence" 😂

I think perhaps I need to pay for something online which I might have more control over the style and timing of. Any suggestions?

Thank you for replying DisplayPurposesOnly - I definitely think that's a big contributing factor, but I lack the energy to job search just now and worry that anything I swap to using my existing qualifications won't be any better. I've moved around a bit over the years and although I'm probably in the most stressful role atm, I've never been completely happy with the work-life balance in previous roles (ostensibly this one has a better work life balance but the actual work days are psychologically very challenging and physically moderately exhausting sometimes too!).

I’m sorry you are feeling like this. I think it may be partly as we move into a new phase of our lives. Do you keep a journal? It can be so helpful and may reveal a pattern to your moods.
Also be kind to yourself and have little treats … anything from some lovely new skincare to a few days away (the latter I found particularly helpful).
Take care OP and let us know how you get on x

Thanks for replying Autumn . I don't write a journal and it would make me feel exposed to do so - I know that sounds ridiculous, but it absolutely would. I worry about my paucity of personal savings but tend to buy myself the small things I want anyway, I think about dropping a day of work, but if I did I'd have less disposable income of my own for things like that and less to save and put into pension (I earn a fairly average full time wage for my age bracket) so I go around and around on that too... I've had a few days away on my own occasionally which I do like, but always feel compelled to use them for duty visiting elderly parents or for something
productive (to "do" something, attend a course, achieve something), so generally feel as though I've had a change rather than a rest...

I think the problem is probably the life phase combined with the job and the state of the world and my own mindset, but I guess I will just hang on to AspinPine's reply that it gets better in your 60s... At the moment it all feels endless and as though all the slogging is just pointless.

It probably is just my age

AtlasPine sorry not Aspin - somehow I can't seem to edit properly to correct that

Writing a journal isn’t for everyone… it was just a suggestion. I was thinking have you seen your GP for blood tests? They can be helpful. I had blood tests last year and my vitamin D was very low and I was prescribed some. I’m sure they made a difference to me and it’s interesting to read about the symptoms of low vitamin D which include low mood.

I always thought that menopause meant hot flushes and night sweats. I didn’t have either. I had a feeling of impending doom coupled with crippling vaginal atrophy to the point where I thought my insides were going to fall out. Completely irrational, I know. I now use estrogen cream plus citalopram 20mg antidepressant which has really lifted my mood.

Agree with pp, it sounds like your job is very stressful and if you're in any way able to move / change jobs that would help.