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Struggling and looking to connect

5 replies

WanderingRobin · 09/04/2026 14:12

I’ve never posted on Mumsnet before. I am a first-time mum to a beautiful four-month-old boy. He is so smiley, sweet and generally a ‘chill’ little guy. I’m 40 and feel like I waited lifetimes to have him. He was, is, so wanted. But I am struggling so much: with chronic, extremely physical anxiety (inc. insomnia unrelated to his night feeds, waking up at 3/4am with very intense anxiety), panic attacks and low mood. I’ve become very socially anxious and avoidant. Although I feel able to care for my son and meet his needs, my partner is out at work from 7am-6pm every day and I have so much dread in me about getting through the days. I have recurring intrusive thoughts about completely ‘breaking’ and not being able to care for him. Obviously, feeling like this is not how I imagined it would be. I am under the perinatal mental health team receiving regular support. But I would like to connect with other mums who are feeling the same, or some version of the same, as me, with their young babies. Because in the loneliness of the days it can feel like I’m the only one (even though logically I’m very aware I’m not). Would also be keen to hear from mums who have felt like this and recovered, and are now enjoying parenting, because I’m terrified I will feel this way forever.

OP posts:
cuppitycakes · 09/04/2026 14:29

Hi OP I’m not who you are looking for to connect with because I’m many years further down the line to you but I just wanted to reply to say that you won’t feel like this forever.
It can be a really tough time and I had significant PND where anxiety was the main symptom.
It good that you are receiving support from the perinatal mental health team and it’s important that you don’t put any additional pressure on yourself.
Take care of yourself - this too will pass.

WanderingRobin · 09/04/2026 14:30

cuppitycakes · 09/04/2026 14:29

Hi OP I’m not who you are looking for to connect with because I’m many years further down the line to you but I just wanted to reply to say that you won’t feel like this forever.
It can be a really tough time and I had significant PND where anxiety was the main symptom.
It good that you are receiving support from the perinatal mental health team and it’s important that you don’t put any additional pressure on yourself.
Take care of yourself - this too will pass.

Thank you. Do you mind me asking how long it took until you started to feel better?

OP posts:
Jenkibuble · 09/04/2026 14:58

Hi, firstly congrats - he sounds very content :)
My 2 are older now (21 and 19) but I can remember the time well !

My ex (their dad) was out the house 8-6 working and the only thing that got me through was playgroups. I met some lovely ladies there (still friends today )
I used to drag myself there some mornings (looking a state ) but it really boosted my day.
They were mostly held in church halls and the ladies that ran them (and gents) were so lovely and non judgemental. The chats and tea/toast were delicious too.
Do you have anything like this nearby ?

Might also be worth opening up and being honest with your HV (mine was a godsend when I had my second baby- she got me some funding for my eldest at pre school as I had low mood and little support)

All the best x

GemByTheSea · 09/04/2026 15:00

Hi, OP.
My kids are a bit older now too, but I remember how hard it can feel, and it sounds like you have it quite hard with your partner working long hours. I really recommend trying to find some mum friends who have similar aged babies to you - I know you're feeling socially anxious and that makes you want to isolate, but honestly MANY new mums struggle like this, and having people in the same boat as you can be a lifesaver. Even meeting one or two other mums who you can meet up with could make such a difference. Can you find a baby group that meets near you and start there? It will feel like an effort at first but once you meet someone else who 'gets it', it will be so worth it.
The baby years and lack of sleep can be so brutal but it is all worth it - there's so much joy and brighter days to come. Hang in there!
Flowers

cuppitycakes · 09/04/2026 21:15

It took some time (and I did decide to use some medication) but I went back to work part time after about 9 months. I remember feeling quite shaky about that but I think there would have been an element of that anyway after maternity leave.

If you can it would be good to join some groups to meet others but don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. It can be so easy to think that everyone is coping better than you but that just won’t be the case.
I have a younger friend who found the first 6 months very very hard. She was in a much better place by the time her baby was a year old.

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