Hit a wall -not coping with life very well

[FancyCatSlave]

I’m having a bit of a MH crisis at the moment-life isn’t going well at all and I’m also physically ill too. I got myself in to a bit of a panic earlier and I’m NOT looking for sympathy here but I guess some validation that other people would find this hard too and an outlet in writing it all down. I feel like all of a sudden I have hit the “not coping” wall.

The general gist is:
Divorce finalised in Dec but ex only just moved out. We now have 50/50 co-parenting to navigate and it is breaking me. Marital home not selling in this market so I am dealing with viewings and worry about everything. We are making a massive loss on it and it’s my dream home that we spent the last 4 years renovating and I feel absolutely devastated that I am losing it. In a practical sense I also can’t afford the bills on my own so that’s pressure. My lovely Dad is helping out but I feel like a complete failure at 48.

I have an ex BTL that am also having to sell-more financial pressure as it is costing a fortune while empty (it is SSTC but taking ages).

I was at risk of redundancy all of 2025 and whilst I survived it, I’ve had a huge change in role and it’s incredibly stressful at work with new directors etc and still very unstable (HE). I don’t trust my new line manager at all and I know my performance is pretty woeful at the moment.

I have awful high blood pressure and been referred to cardiology due to signs I may have had a silent heart attack-I am so worried about this but been told the wait for the MRI is 22 weeks. I am sleeping dreadfully and worry I won’t wake up. On top of that I have had a virus all week that has floored me and I can barely function. I’m on leave for DD next week and was so looking forward to it but it’s now unraveling as I’m so unwell. I am also perimenopausal but can’t start any HRT until seen cardiologist.

I look dreadful, skin is dreadful, hair is grey and needs cutting but I missed an appointment due to A&E visit and can’t get in for another 4 weeks. I am Skin picking, have an infected toenail and I feel about 100 years old. I used to have a horse and that was a huge part of my identity and friendships but my horse died last year and I can’t have another with my financial issues let alone the rest.

I’m usually quite resilient but I feel like my whole life is in the toilet and I’m a shell of a person now.

I don’t know how to pick myself up when everything is so bloody hard.

It all seems stacked against me and I can’t fix anything while my health is so shocking, and can’t feel my way forward financially or with a new home until the house market stops working against me. In the meantime though I’ve got to entertain a 6 year old.

I know if I survive this it will just be a blip in my life but at the moment I am not seeing the positives.

I’m just going over and over it all in my head all the time. There’s no off switch.

That’s an awful lot for you to deal with and it’s no wonder at all that you’re feeling like this. You’ve had all these things thrown at you at once. Have you been to the GP or self-referred for talking therapy? I do think it would help for you to talk it through with someone. Could you go off sick from work as it sounds like that is compounding your feelings too. Any friends you can share your feelings with? Sorry too many questions. I’m so sorry you feel like this. The other night I fed my anxieties into ChatGPT - I know what people might think but it actually gave me some quite helpful tips. Never thought I’d say that but needs must. Keep sharing on here and if all you do tomorrow is put one foot in front of the other that’s fine.

I think go off sick from work too- when you’re telling work do it in a you can see how bad things have gotten with me to explain away any issues you have and give you a cleaner slate.

You’ve huge huge things at the moment, less stress and sleep are the things that will get you both well and better able to cope. You’ve listed all your problems but the heart is the one you have to start with. You need to be well. After that look at tiny things like reading/ watching something light, listening to music you used to love, chatting to friends going for walks, pampery baths etc. best of luck op x

Poor you. You’ll get through this. Focus on your health as much as possible. What has helped me is having healthy fiber full pre cooked meals so I do zero cooking for me but have enough plants to feed my cut bacteria which is linked to happiness and good skin. If you have any free time then Pilates or weight lifting, an sauna and cold plunge (or just a hot shower followed by a ten second burst of very cold) does something miraculous to the happy hormones. And your confidence.
with your 6yo - take them to do a car boot sale with you to declutter and raise some funds they can sell their old toys and baby books for pocket money.
you’ll get another horse one day.
give you and your daughter slow restful days.
you’re not a failure at 48 to have a child and a beautiful home - you’ve got the skills to make your next home beautiful even if it’s smaller! And it will be exactly how you want it and only people who love you and or are kind to you will be allowed in it.

to de escalate please do a breathe work or guided meditation on you tube they help so much. Will be good for the heart too!

How are you today @FancyCatSlave ?

This sounds so incredibly difficult @FancyCatSlave- anyone would struggle in those circumstances. I wanted to post to say, I know it’s hard to imagine now, but you will get through this.

This is the hardest it can get and you are surviving.
I think it’s good advice to get signed off if you can - even for a week or so to give yourself a little breathing space. Also the suggestion of talking therapy. Some employers provide helplines- and you can self refer in many areas on the NHS.

I went through a divorce after a very difficult period including infertility and my ex having a breakdown a couple of years ago. It was absurdly hard - and having to organise selling the home we had renovated was heartbreaking. I now feel I was in a bit of a daze for a couple of years.
However, I got through it and you can and will too.

Try to do little things like have a relaxing bath, listen to an album, go for a walk and try to notice and be in the moment- to soothe your overwhelmed nervous system. I know it’s really hard when you’re going through something like this but also try to reach out to friends and family as the feeling of isolation can make everything feel worse.

take care of yourself.

I am selling one home and the market is poor (2 must be incredibly hard ) so fair play
Is switching to interest only mortgage an option or have you explored it ?

It is great that your dad is close by - can you move in with him if need be ?

Fresh air eg the park / feeding the ducks in the sunshine could lift your spirits.

A GP note for time off could help too (you can self certify for the first 7 days)
Does your work offer and employee assistance plan you can get some counselling with ?

Uou poor soul. Be kind to yourself x

Sounds really difficult. Please prioritise your health and consider sick leave for a while. I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress is contributing to your possible heart issues? So I’d prioritise time off from work with everything else going on x

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time!! Be kind to yourself xx