Food issue for DD15 but not ED

[Nickyknackered]

Dd has always been a bit funny around shared food, buffets mainly. I thought this was reasonably normal as I do get that the general public can be a bit gross though I don't worry too much myself as long as places look clean.

Recently it's developed in to not wanting to use communal cutlery, most places like school have disposable and if we went to a restaurant she will be ok, providing it's a set table (as opposed to cafe style where they have buckets of cutlery that customers help themselves to). I have bought her a travel set to keep in her bag for times she needs them.

Most of this I get! Places and people can be gross! I should say at this point she doesn't have health anxiety at all or emetophobia, and no other 'germophopia' behaviour like hand washing... She plays sport and is a good weight, eats well at home. No concerns at all that it's a food itself issue.

It's come to a bit of a head becuase she has just been abroad with school and they called home with concerns that she wasn't eating much (hotel all inclusive buffet) and now I wonder if it has tipped it to the need for help? I'm not sure she would agree.

She did eat there but was careful at the buffet and choose to buy some things from the shop plus snacks we had packed. She said it was highlighted because some of the girls ate quite a lot, she does have a smaller appetite but I stress we have no concerns with actual food consumption issues.

Any tips? Anyone dealt with this before? Thanks.

I would appreciate it if anyone has any experience or advice with this.

Its a difficult one, all her concerns are very valid. I have family members who refuse to eat anything from outside restaurants for this very reason. They take food prepared at home when they go out. Only book self catering holidays etc. but this is considered normal as they are healthy. I'm sorry I don't have any ways to help, just validating you.

Do you think you might be feeding into her concerns by labelling the general public 'gross'? Do you include yourself in that?! The human body is designed to handle all sorts of bugs and germs – without that exposure we wouldn't build up immunity.

Unless we live in a sterile bubble everything single thing we touch – including sports equipment and friends – is unclean; and that's a good thing. Did she eat dirt and sand as a baby? Does she allow pets to lick her? All good. If you think she's tipping into OCD a chat with your doctor might be in order.

Alternatively get her into horses. Soon she'll think nothing of cleaning a shitty stable, wrestling a bit into a grassy mouth and then eating a sandwich without even thinking about washing her hands.

I would say this is veering towards an OCD issue rather than an eating disorder.

It’s not normal and I think it needs to be sorted before it escalates. Nothing wrong with being mindful of cleanliness etc but refusing to eat communally and insisting on bringing packed lunches to every event WILL adversely affect friendships and relationships.

DD doesn’t eat on school trips. She sometimes loses weight, if it’s a week long , very active trip. Different issue as in her case it’s being fussy as fuck /sensory issues. I always warn her teachers and tell them the most important thing is to leave her be and don’t make a fuss. They always laugh and say they never have a child that doesn’t eat. I always get an update either after or during the trip that she doesn’t eat, what can they do? Leave her alone, she’s fine. One was particularly bad as the teacher told them if they put food on their plate they have to eat it all (I’m sure they weren’t malicious, just trying to avoid greed/waste) which meant she only ate bread and fruit for week, because they were the only things she was sure she would eat. Even on holidays with us she’s not great, but she trusts me to pick for her and also knows she can leave it if she doesn’t like it, so a bit more willing to try stuff.She does not have an eating disorder.

My dd (20) is like this. She will only eat food that is "safe". So at the Indian restaurant last week she was fine to go half portions with her girlfriend, but the shared poppadoms/ dips were "unsafe". My other 2 kids are not like this at all! But its something I've come to terms with

What I would ask is, has she always been like this? Even when little? Have there been any nasty incidents of food poisoning that she either had herself or was the witness of? What’s her social media like? Some posts focus so much on how unclean and dirty restaurants can be that you need to have a strong stomach just to watch them. What is she afraid of/bothers her about it? Can she explain it clearly and rationally?

You have said people/places are gross a couple of times is this how you generally react to people and places that isn't your home ? It might be she has fed off this,. it does sound like maybe it is OCD and she needs strategies to help her overcome her issues with cleanliness and eating.

It’s OCD, not an eating disorder.

It sounds like it could be OCD tbh. I would speak to her doctor.

I definitely don't have any issues that she might be feeding off, i don't say this in front of her, was more acknowledging that i do understand why people coughing on and touching food she eats might put her off. I will happily eat at all sorts of venues.

She also doesn't have any issues with pets, handwashing, fears of illness, being sick.... nothing else that I can think of. She has largely always been the same but I think people notice it more now she's doing things like trips away...

She doesn't insist on taking a packed lunch, that wasn't me that said that. She will choose things like fruit she can peel, freshly cooked meat from the grill, eat from a menu or buy from a shop rather than say, a salad bar in a buffet or a tray of sandwiches/bowl or crisps at a party.

This is similar thank you. It was made worse by the teachers drawing attention to it and mentally noting down what she was eating to report back to me. She's been absolutely fine since getting home, no concerns.

Is she an adventurous eater at home? Try anything kind of things , with just a few dislikes?

I think OCD can manifest in different ways, so it doesn't follow how you imagine, so she is fine with some things but not others, you said she is struggling with how much the others are eating, if she is seeing it as greedy then having a reaction to it this must be a struggle then having an affect on her eating, i think she might need to see her GP or maybe CAHMS,

I only mention the gross thing because it can drip drip into children..

I think it was more that being surrounded by kids with good /healthy appetites can really bring into focus a child that eats very little.

Maybe that too, I wasn't meaning the other kids were greedy just that might be how the girl perceived them.

Probably does veer more to the fussier end of normal but nothing major. Eats all meat, vegetables, fruits, pasta, rice etc. We're having a home made curry tonight for example and tomorrow, roast lamb with all the trimmings. The things she doesnt like are texture based rather than flavour... yoghurt, cereal, bread, eggs etc.

No she didn't say or think they were greedy, she just noted she ate less, she knows why though.

So your DD keeps her cutlery set on her?
Like Joey from Friends?

At least she is aware of her situation, i think she needs to find a way of eating enough for her own health,

Could she also have Afrid? My eldest Dd is 34 and was like this with textures wet food was a no go, then it was put down to "fussy eating " but i am now sure it was Afrid.

In my opinion (not an expert) I’d say it’s a wait and see situation at the moment. As long as it’s not limiting her life, spilling into home life/normal situations or her starting to avoid places/social occasions, then she is fine. I am looking at an autism diagnosis for DD, but there are other issues other than food .

How was the trip? Did she enjoy it? Had fun? Would she go again?

Haha no she doesn't permanently keep it on her, but it's handy for things like going out to have breakfast at a cafe.