Struggling with grief and regret after medical abortion and break-up

[Unknownuser111]

Hi guys I recently had a medical abortion I’m 18 and I feel absolutely horrible I feel like I had no choice as I still live at home my mum would freak I didn’t tell her I had one but I need to talk to someone my heart is genuinely broke every night I lay up crying for my baby I just want my baby I regret this so much I had to break up with my ex I told him while distraught I couldn’t stop crying to him to the point I’m hyperventilating he just laughs and says “you will find this funny later your never like this it’s just the hormones” and if I kept the baby he would leave me and he threatened to go to my mum then and there when I said I wanted it I really hope that this fails I was about 7 or 8 weeks.HE ALSO WAS CHEATING THE WHOLE TIME . I’m now dreaming about it he’s there in my dreams and all I can do in them is just fight with him I hate him he’s genuinely the spawn of evil I just want my baby it’s haunting me, I can’t sleep, I really don’t know what to do I feel awful I feel like it’s his fault mainly

I am sure wise women will advise you soon but, though a guy and I can’t empathise, I didn’t want to read and run.

Remember that baby would have been half his and created a connection with him for life.

Although you feel dreadful now, it will pass. You can then enjoy your youth and kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.

And eventually you will have a much-loved baby with a lovely man.

I know it is hard to see that now as you can’t rush through grief, but it will happen and you won’t regret your decision.

I'm so sorry. The pain of regretting an abortion is a deep grief. I've heard that this charity is helpful:
https://www.archtrust.org.uk/

Wishing you the very best as you heal.

Oh sweetheart, i feel so bad for you . You mustn’t keep this to yourself , your heart is breaking but you have made the right decision for you at this time .
I really think you need to try to talk to your mum she will be shocked but she will want to help you through this .
your emotions are running very high right now especially as your ex is down playing how you feel, you will never find it “funny “ but you will learn to cope with your decision , i still remember my abortion over 30 years ago but it doesn’t hurt the way it did at the time .
Do you have another close female relation you could talk to to enable you to speak to your mum or to talk to her for you ? Don’t forget that you are still her baby and I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be alone at the moment.
What about speaking to your doctor, there should be a practitioner there you can talk to but ultimately you must tell someone as you need a lot of support and love right now to help your feelings of loss . X

Your feelings of grief are valid.
You are grieving several things here the loss of your relationship, that arseholes poor treatment of you, the fact you are carrying this secret and of course the abortion

This guys sounds like an absolute arsehole and as someone with children I want to tell you I sorely underestimated the advice I was given which was "choose your children's father carefully"
I have a lovely dh but the absolute misery some of my friends endure is just awful.
While this was awful to go through I geniunely think this was your "least bad option"
A child is a huge huge emotional financial and time commitment. At 18 you are likely not ready for that. Almost no one is..I was 38 and shocked!!!

You should consider talking to your mum, the samaritans, accessing counselling through your GP or a friend in real life.

Whe you are ready its also worth reviewing your contraceptive choices some work better than other depending on the individual

This sucks but you will come out the other side..im 40 and lived a hundred lives since I was 18

💐💐💐💐

Please talk to soneone
Your gp
call samaritans
Remember while grief is real you made the best decision .
You are only 18 and this man was not the one for you. Nor a good future parent.
You will heal and have time to meet a true partner who respects you.
Look up online freedom programne