Sudden bereavement triggering severe anxiety and health fears, how to cope?

[Jslou89]

I have had an extremely tough couple of weeks . We suddenly lost a very important person in our family. For the past few days ive felt my anxiety build and build . I feel like im about to completely crash ! I have the worst health anxiety . Ive been unwell with stomach issues and have 💯 convinced myself that im going to die . I feel so tired and drained . How can I have been great 2 weeks ago , mentally stable and now scared of every feeling /movement in my own body . I feel like I cant breathe . I have kids and im trying to distract myself and be ok but every bone is just aching with pure fear and anxiety . I have never felt like this for about 12 years .

Have you spoken to your GP? Do you think a short course of antidepressant could support you with your grief?

This is a normal reaction to a sudden and distressing event. And you are able to see that your worries are triggered by anxiety, so that’s a good sign!

Msybe a short course of sleeping tablets might help? Tiredness wont help

Bereavement can trigger our worst fears and it’s completely understandable and normal, it’s only 2 weeks do of course you are feeling bad. Someone suddenly dying tends to make us more anxious because we automatically think, I could be next (even if that person is a lot older). Please give yourself time to grieve, talk to loved ones about your fears but know that it’s normal especially if you have had health anxiety in the past. If after a few weeks you still aren’t coping then talking through your fears with a medical professional may help, but just 2 weeks after a significant loss they will tell you want I have, its ok not to feel ok right now be kind to yourself

We also had a bereavement in our family this week and I feel like I can barely breathe today. We have watched the effects of cancer take over and I am also convinced that is how I will die and it’s all I can think about. I already take propranolol for anxiety but it isn’t touching the surface with this. I have no answers, but it completely resonates and I hope you can get something prescribed from the Dr to feel better soon.

I hope it is reassuring to hear that these feelings can be part of a normal reaction to a traumatic bereavement. However their 'normality' doesn't mean that you don't need help with them.
It would be good to visit your GP. Also, I found Cruse very helpful for bereavement support. One option is counselling from one of their volunteers. Or you could just call their helpline for one off converations.

https://www.cruse.org.uk/

Thanks everyone I can sit and rationalise out loud but inside my brain is in overdrive . Its a vicious circle of anxiety's physical symptoms then triggering my fear of dying . I didnt realise that I wasn't coping as I had been so busy making sure everyone else was ok . I have a doctors appointment in the morning so I suppose its the first step x

Thanks everyone I can sit and rationalise out loud but inside my brain is in overdrive . Its a vicious circle of anxiety's physical symptoms then triggering my fear of dying . I didnt realise that I wasn't coping as I had been so busy making sure everyone else was ok . I have a doctors appointment in the morning so I suppose its the first step x

@Harassedmum123 its awful the constant thoughts and fear of cancer takes over my day just now x

Grief is overwhelming. Is it work you need time off for? Or your family to give you more understanding?

Grief is horrific and IME the three worst times in grief are immediately after the death (where you are now - in shock and raw pain), after the funeral (when often support magically disappears) and that point where you realise 'this is it forever' (which can be different for different people but is often in a range of 1 - 3 years). You are are in the darkest worst time right now so it's normal to feel the way you feel.

Take it a day at a time, even a hour at a time if that is what you need.

Do what you can in your circumstances to get a break and some space. If you are under pressure to perform anything (childcare, work) do what you can to get a break. If you are trying to work, stop and have a break. If you have childcare responsibilities, ask your partner or non-bereaved relatives or friends to help out for a few days.

Do speak to your GP. Things like diazepam or sleeping tablets can help get you through the first weeks. DO NOT take antidepressants at this stage. You are not depressed you are in extreme grief. This is not depression at this point. It is extreme emotional pain at loss.

Breathing exercises can help. Key is to make out breath longer. Breath in for four count. Hold breath for four count. Breath out for eight count.

Immediate change of your environment can help too - so if you are cold, put on a warm jumper and have a hot cup of tea; if you are warm, go outside if it's cold or suck an ice cube; go for a walk. Anything that makes a 'jolt' to your environment. It only needs to be short but it can help to knock you emotionally out of the worst anxiety.

Those are my starting point advice thoughts but I am sorry for your loss as grief is so evil and a sudden unexpected death adds to natural shock.

Long term grief counseling can help but you need to be at least 3 months post now because when its too raw you can't discuss it and have no perspective. Do bank that as a long term plan though.

Finally come and hang out on the Bereavement board here - it's in Body & Soul section. There's much good advice there.

Condolences to you.

Great advice @BleakofBleakHouse 😊

Thank you @Ophir. Unfortunately as you can probably tell that advice was hard won through bitter experience still ongoing. 😢

@BleakofBleakHouse Thank you , I will definitely try those coping techniques . I feel like im not able to think about my loved one that I lost because im only thinking about my anxiety 😕 I know losing her is why im anxious and of course shes in my head and heart but all I can worry about is me dying and my kids being left without a mum . Why do i need to be this extreme . I am so frustrated with myself x

@BleakofBleakHouse Thank you , I will definitely try those coping techniques . I feel like im not able to think about my loved one that I lost because im only thinking about my anxiety 😕 I know losing her is why im anxious and of course shes in my head and heart but all I can worry about is me dying and my kids being left without a mum . Why do u needbto be this extreme . I am so frustrated with myself x

But you are using your suffering for good, and I admire that

No stranger to disaster myself, and what you said was spot on

Have you got any alcohol in the house? Maybe have a drink to calm yourself a little. Anxiety is horrible it would be good to have a few moments respite from it.

One more thing I wanted to add - is listen to yourself, your body and trust you instincts in grief and I don't just mean right now I mean going forward.

People have a tendency to start patrolling grief and giving well intended advice. Some people cope by being very busy as a distraction. Others cope by hiding away for a while as they can't deal with social interaction of any kind.

Don't let people forcing their opinions on you, alter your course because you will feel what is right for you. Everyone grieves differently because everyone's circumstances are different and personalities are different.

It may very well be your anxiety is your body telling you that you need a bit of a break from your responsibilities to take all this in and deal with the shock and pain. Only you will know but do be prepared for well meaning people to lecture you in terms of you should be back at work or keeping busy or doing this or that.

Take what advice resonates for you and leave the rest of it.