Abusive spouse, divorce stalled and BPAD relapse fears, need practical advice

[Youmustwakeup]

I'm drowning here.

DH is abusive and I've been trying to divorce him for 2 years.

He won't leave the house and I have no power to make him do so as we are jointly named on the mortgage. I don't have the evidence for a non molestation order.

My teenage sons have nothing but disdain for him. It breaks my heart to see how he treats them. He forgot my 16yo birthday.

My family are very supportive of me leaving. I just thought I could stick it out but he is point blank refusing to provide financial details and I know he is funneling it off somewhere.

I have BPAD with multiple admissions, the last in autumn last year. I went back to work 2 weeks after the section was lifted. My company has been outstanding but I feel I can't manage my job anymore. I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. The thought of moving seems overwhelming.

I rang the CMHT yesterday and the oncall was useless

I don't know what to do. I want to be signed off but think I'm just kicking the can down the road.

Sorry you haven’t had any replies OP.
have you contacted women’s aid? You sound overwhelmed by it all ( no wonder you’re tired!) and could probably benefit from a professional that can maybe take off some of the pressure so you can at least thing a bit straighter . It might be an idea to get a forensic accountant ( hope I’ve got that right) to find were he’s hiding stuff.
good luck

Thank you so much @notmoredirtywashing . I actually don't think he is sophisticated enough to need a financial accountant! His bank account very clearly shows an additional card, he's just not providing the details.

My manager has been really supportive and I've bailed on a meeting in a city 3 hours away tomorrow, so feel a bit of a breather there.

Thanks so much for your kind words

You are more than welcome. That’s a bit of relief that he’s not sophisticated enough to hide money! Even so, I assume you’ve consulted a solicitor?

Yes, she's handling everything for me. He is representing himself (and making a right pig's ear of it thankfully, to the extent that the judge fined him for wasting everybody's time).

But, short of a court order (which I think might happen), he's refusing point blank to engage or provide documents. I keep having to employ a service processor.

He's totally checked out of family life, won't eat with us, just stays in his room playing games.

He got verbally aggressive towards my adult son this week when DS was discussing something that came up in his sociology lecture. Far from the first time.

We all make sure we are upstairs in our rooms when he comes in. Last night I was downstairs when I heard his car and I quickly switched off the lights and ran upstairs to my room. We sleep separately.

Just had a text from my CPN saying that she can't make our appointment today. Absolutely gutted.