Dark hours before the darkest day

[scousemum]

Struggling to sleep and wondered if anyone else is awake for a virtual handhold? My 26 year old son took his own life a month ago, his funeral is this morning (Friday). He had bipolar and a few recent bad things happening tipped him into despair. I just don’t know how I m going to get through this.

Not sure whether this is the best topic to post up in but hoping somebody else might be awake 💔

I am so, so sorry to read this. I truly understand how you must be feeling.
One foot in front of the other later on today. Pick something to concentrate/stare at when you are at the service. I hope you have supportive family. My sincere condolences to you.
A charity called The Compassionate Friends, which is run by, and for, bereaved parents is extremely helpful. It is so good to talk to other Mothers with the unwanted shared experience.
I hope the day goes well. tcf.org.uk

Thank you @MarxistMagsI’ll look at that charity in the coming days.
We are a small family DH, DS 25 and DD21. Some friends and neighbours will be there though, and have been kind. It’s just the strangest and most devastating thing I’ve ever faced. I have a poem to read and DH is doing a Eulogy, if we’re both able to hold it together

Oh love, I’m out of the UK at the moment so awake. So sorry for the loss of your dear son. As Mags said, just concentrate on the next small thing ahead, so getting out of bed, getting dressed, getting to the funeral etc. If you (or your DH) can’t do the poem/eulogy at the last minute ask beforehand that the person leading the service step in and take over. They can do it seamlessly if you give them the text to read. It happens a lot. You could arrange a signal. My heart goes out to you, be kind to yourself today ❤️

I’m so deeply sorry for your indescribable loss. I pray that you and your precious family find the strength to pay tribute to your beautiful son and find comfort in each other in your profound grief. With love, deepest compassion and courage ❤️

Thank you everyone for your support in the darkness. I want to celebrate who he was but I also want to hide under the covers and not face any one it…of course I’ll actually be there, but it just feels unimaginable right now. The comfort of strangers reaching out gives me courage and hope for humanity.
The minister leading is service is lovely and has said she will take over from us if we can’t speak. We have a burial after the service but I don’t think there’ll be many that attend. It’s all so surreal but horribly painful at the same time.

Oh my love my heart goes out to you. Sending you love and strength for what lies ahead. I’m so very sorry. I have known someone in your position who planted a tree for their son to remember him. Perhaps in time you could do something like this to honour his life.

@HonestyboxyHe was a great one for climbing huge trees as a child, so he’d like that. Appreciating the love and strength, going to need it all.

I’m so very sorry about your boy.

Truthfully I can’t recall much about my daughter’s funeral at all. It was hard and horrible and beautiful. So many people - most of whom I did not actually see or talk to. I will say the journey in the car behind the hearse was almost unbearable, but I’m so glad we accompanied her.

Will be thinking of you all.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Would you like to tell us more about him? 💐 I hope it goes as well as it can tomorrow. Be kind to yourself xxxx

I’m so sorry about your son. Wishing you strength to get through the day x x

Sending you lots of love x

@2017SoFarSoGood So sorry to hear you lost your daughter. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but it can be lonely in grief can’t it? Especially losing a child, even as an adult. I’m dreading no one saying his name after tomorrow and the world carrying on. Not sure how much I’ll remember either.

@Emelene he was gentle, kind, quirky and quick witted. He felt everything very deeply. He loved animals and art and music. He’d just started at University after many years out of education due to poor mental health. He loved anything tiny or miniature…clearing his flat has been heartbreaking, he’d kept so many cards and objects collected in happier times. When he smiled it felt like light in the world.

I am so sorry to hear about your ds. I will be thinking of you and your family at this very sad time. X

Warm hugs OP

He sounds like a wonderful person, did he have a favourite animal? In time perhaps you could sponsor an animal in his name. I think some zoos or animal sanctuaries will put plaques up of their sponsors. Or you could have a memorial bench or plant a tree. I always read plaques on benches and think about the person named on them. Sending best wishes for today x

So sorry for your terrible loss OP. I’m sure it is little consolation to you at the moment but he is at peace now and no longer suffering. 💐

Hold steady OP.

I'll be thinking of you & your son today. He sounds like a beautiful person.

Sending you strength & love xx

So sorry to hear this. Sending strength to you and your family

💐 xx

I’m so very sorry op. I’ll be thinking of you and your family today. Sending you love and strength 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I wish you the strength you need to get through this difficult time. x

I'm so sorry for your loss, I also lost my only son to suicide just over 5 years ago.

I do understand what you're going through and the journey you're about to go on. There are no words to comfort you because it's impossible to comfort a grieving parent, but I'll think about you and your family today.

Sending you lots of love strength for today and the days ahead 💜

@scousemum I hope today brings moments of unexpected joy when you celebrate the life of your lovely boy and grieve his death.

Thanks everyone, I fell asleep briefly but woke up to some new kind thoughts ❤️.
@Goldenboysmum I am so sorry to hear about your son too. I’m dreading the journey ahead but you’re here offering comfort so it is survivable in some way. I can feel I’m never going to be the same again, and that this changed you too.

My eyes are red and puffy, and I have a massive headache, but there’s tea beside the bed and it’s light outside. One step at a time.
Keep me and my wee family in your thoughts this morning xxx