Partner acting very distant - am I reading too much into it?

[EdgyLemonPombear]

This might be long so please bare with me but I need some advice on what I'm experiencing and if someone else has experienced a similar thing.

Context: I'm a SAHM, my daughter was extremely premature and I had a very traumatic birth. Subsequently diagnosed with PTSD following this. My partner has a full time job. I don't have very many friends (most live away so seeing them is rare) and I have 1 'mum friend'.

I met my partner after an 8 year relationship (that in hindsight was very toxic and I carry a lot of trauma from it). Things moved fast with my partner and we found out we were expecting a year into our relationship. But things felt 'right' and I understood what people meant by 'when you know you know' re: if your partner is 'the one'. Things were great but then I found out he had been texting his ex for 3 weeks following a drunken night out but I decided to stay.

Fast forward to now, our daughter is thriving and we have our own home. But things feel 'off'. He suffers with chronic back problems and has been on lots of pain meds to control this. However, it just feels like he's suddenly got really distant, affection is basically 0 and I feel like any affection is always initiated by me. It feels like he's going through the motions but isn't actually invested in our relationship and life together anymore? I raised the issue with him that I didn't feel like he loved me and it escalated into a huge argument. It just seems like there's a wall between us and I'm desperately trying to knock it down but it feels impossible.

Basically I want people's opinions: is he done with our relationship? Or is it that he has a lot going on with work and his pain that he just isn't being his usual affectionate self? Is it me overanalysing the situation because I'm lonely and I'm asking too much of him? Is this postnatal hormones? Is it relationship OCD (because I am PLAGUED by thoughts that I've made a huge mistake and that he isn't actually 'the one'). My anxiety is just through the roof, all I can think about is our relationship and analysing our every interaction, his every text, taking everything so personally. Please someone shed some light for me before I drive myself to the brink of insanity.

If he was the 'one' for you he wouldn't have been texting his ex for three weeks.

It just seems like there's a wall between us and I'm desperately trying to knock it down but it feels impossible

What's he doing on his side of the wall?

No one can read his mind, especially on a forum, but what you can absolutely do is build up your own confidence and self esteem so that you are not reliant on him, or anyone else, for your happiness.

Are you married? You're in a vulnerable position if not. I don't think 'the one' would a) text other women behind your back or b) let you become a SAHM without the protection of marriage. Are you on the house deeds?

It sounds like he’s unhappy and his back pain is likely playing a part in that. Whatever is going on may well be about him and not about you. But he is not providing you with sufficient support.

In the meantime you are spiralling because you are feeling vulnerable as a new mum. The best thing you can do is focus on your own wellbeing and other sources of support so that you can provide the support you can to your lo.

The relationship with your dp may or may not work out. Time will tell. The relationship you have with your lo is the one you need to focus on. They only have one infancy and need to bond with a primary caregiver who can focus on them. All the best.