Hi, just looking for advice/support if anyone is experiencing similar. I’ll try to stick to the facts. I’m 53 a single mum to 19 yr old who lives at home. I’m an only child, and no, I definitely wasn’t spoilt! Was a complete daddy’s girl growing up. He took me on day trips, read to me every night as a child. My mother was good at cooking and cleaning but never really engaged with me, whether she had no desire to or was not capable I don’t know. Throughout my childhood and even into adulthood my mother would pretend to be unwell to get out of doing dinner and once or twice looking after me. Even as a child I knew she was faking it and I would feel angry but did not understand why. My dad was a kind man and so whenever she had her dramatics he would go along with it. My mother was raised by her stepfather which I later learned was physically abusive to her. She likes reminding me that nobody has had it as tough as her. Unsurprisingly I found myself through my self sabotaging behaviour in a relationship that was abusive, physically, sexually, financially. But my dad never stuck up for me. This was confusing. As a child my mother told me that her and my dad never wanted a child. When she became pregnant she told me she really wanted a boy. But that they grew to love me. Unsurprisingly I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 4 years ago. My mother couldn’t be less interested as no one has suffered as much as her. My dad sadly died 2 years ago after a long illness, a debilitating stroke that left him paralysed on one side. He changed into a selfish and sometimes quite cruel man. He stayed at home with carers twice a day and I had daily updates from mother about every medical detail like bowel habits, colour of urine and swallowing issues. I now have same daily updates from mother as she will tell anyone who will listen she has copd. She’s been a heavy smoker since 14. She wants me to do stuff for her, sort her meds, housework etc. At this time my darling son needs me. His father was the domestic abuser. I eventually left the relationship when he was 6. 3 years later his dad died from a drug overdose (crack cocaine). My son is a wonderful young man studying a meaty subject with the open uni. He just needs a bit of support and encouragement from me at the moment ment as he can get overwhelmed and I want to be there for him. Currently I’m supposed to go to mothers two days a week to help with chores. I don’t want to help her anymore. It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow and I’ve got her a cheap bunch of flowers. I’m popping round in the morning as my son has booked a table for a meal out for us. I’ve been to loads of appointments with mum recently due to her copd and weak heart. I’m just so sick of hearing from her I can’t do this or that. Part of me wonders if she’s faking again due to my previous experiences of her.