I AM AM AM going to stay positive........I am!

[lucyellensmum]

So i am starting this thread to remind myself that i can beat this and i can and deserve to be happy.

OK so i might not be perfect, my life might not be perfect but im sick of worrying, im sick of being miserable and generally being a glass half empty type person.

I have been on ADs for a year and i am starting to recognise patterns in my behaviour. If DP is stressed, i take his stress on board, if there is stuff hapening i dramatise it up to a major catastrophe, i basically look for trouble.

Its got to stop, i don't want to be unhappy any more. Its been a lovely sunny day today and ive been on the beach with my DD and two of her friends, they have played really well together and had a great time. So did us mums. So, i need to take that for what it is, a lovely day and be happy and thankful for that. Instead of worrying about why i might not deserve that happiness or how i need to make the most of it because it is bound to be short lived.

I'm sure lots of you have read my self pitying posts, i even started one last night but i want to stop.

Please join me, help me to keep my pecker up - we can support each other

Good luck! I feel the same way about being suspicious or scared of happiness and you are absolutely right - the world will not fall apart and nothing bad will happen if you relax and accept happiness when it presents itself (must try and take own advice).

goosey you have hit the nail exactly on the head - i am suspicious of being happy in case i make it all go wrong .

glad you had a lovely day, any plans for tomorrow?

Will be very interested to hear if you do manage to accept being happy for what it is and any techniques you find useful.

I really relate to your post. I'm glad you are doing ok at the moment. I have considered taking ads for years but have never got around to it. Did you find they made a big difference to your mood/ability to cope?

I find that ADs do help, particularly my ability to cope when I am going though a bad patch. I have not found them to be a panacea though.

red shoes, i think they have saved my marriage and possibly my life! I was having serious health anxiety and depression. It has made the health anxiety much better, it has not worked so well for the depression but it has made it easier to cope and get out of a hole. I still struggle as we have lots of financial pressures and worries. But i am getting there.

I hope i can maintain this goosey, i have felt good for about a week now, despite PMT and DP being a bit of a dick this weekend. Im basically trying not to take on his stress (difficult as this is a major issue for me) and accepting happiness when it comes my way (that is a MAJOR issue, as im quite scared even typing this) But i owe to my DD to be a happy mummy, and my DP to be a happy "wife" and i owe it to my late father to be happy, as i know that is all he ever wanted. I do think therre is a little bit of ME surfacing, i want to be happy for me - and i think that is the breakthrough.

I have been on Ad's for nearly two years now (will prob start trying to come off them next week).
I found them really good for anxiety and helpful for the depression.

In Jan this year I decided that it was up to me to be happy and that I could just decide to do it. I try to make an effort to enjoy little things as I do them and not to think of what I 'should' be doing. It seems to work most days (although it is not as easy as it sounds)

For various family reasons the last few months have been tough, but I have got through them and this has really given me confidence.

I have found two things really helpful.

1. A book - Feel the fear and do it anyway (helped me much more that CBT for changing thinking patterns)
2. meditation - I have a CD and do 10 mins per day (just before bed). On a Sunday am I do a longer session whilst dh looks after the dd's.

lucyellensmum - I'm in.

you may not remember but you helped me in February (under a different name and i'd rather not dredge the whole thing up but I was going through a very very low point) I really wanted to thank you and tell you that FINALLY only four (FOUR!) months later I have finally taken your advice and talked to my GP about my depression and anxiety. and have been put on citalopram. I'm not looking for a miracle but hopefully this will take the edge off and help me to cope a bit better.

Like you I'm a 'looking for trouble' kind of person (sadly sometimes i make the trouble myself) and i really really want to change. My son deserves better, my husband deserves better and I deserve better.

Keep your pecker up! (and I will too!)

One thing the psych suggested was the mindfulness techniques in "The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness" and actually reasearch has shown that these techniques do prevent a relapse in depression (look up "mindfullness" on Wikipedia). I have always been wary of this kind of stuff, but have just ordered myself a copy so will let you know how it works out.

SirDigby, im glad you went to the doctors. I am on citalopram too, and it works for me. Its not a miracle cure, and sometimes i have shit times, but on the whole, it does allow me to be in control of my anxiety and not my anxiety be in control of me. When i first started taking it, i thought it was a miracle, but after a few weeks i felt crap again, i upped my dose, so officially a space cadet.

I hope you feel better.

I have to admit, im not much on self help books, although i shouldnt judge, having never opened one! Im just too rebellious and critical, i would end up reading up their references just to make sure i felt they interpreted stuff properly - like i would know . I was like this with my counselling, i run rings around the woman, i enjoyed the sessions and she was very nice to talk to - maybe thats all i needed someone to let me whinge for an hour, but i don't feel we adressed anything concrete.

One thing that has been bothering me sort of, is that when on ADs i have been wondering, hmmm, have i ever been happy? Of course i have been happy. Ive done lots of things that have made me happy. In fact ive been very lucky really. I have two wonderful children, a lovely DP who loves me despite everything. A great dog I think i have been questioning what it is to be happy if i am honest. Its like i have been sitting waiting for this great happy feeling to descend upon me, and then i will be "better". But thats expecting too much!! I think its just about experiencing everything we do. Does that make sense. Today was great, my DD had a lovely time, i enjoyed watching her play. I seem to be forming a friendship with the two other mums i was out with. I fed a little bird this morning when i went for a naughty coffee and we have a family of blue tits feeding from our bird feeder. I dont feel ecstatic, but i can see that these things have made me FEEL happy today. As cliched as it all might sound, but can it really be about learning to appreciate what makes me happy again?

Ive been so busy feeling like shit, and feeling shit about feeling like shit that ive forgotten to be happy.

Of course im still scared, im terrified actually but i think that is just me. This makes me actually, because i think the depression is a reaction to bad stuff that has happened all at once. But the anxiety has always been with me and ruled my life - i need pyschiatric help for that and im clearly not going to get it from the NHS. Can't see the doctor taking me too seriously if i go to her and say, well you know what, im feeling a tad better, but i think the anxiety is going to be a long term problem please help - i think its a case of if you are on the edge, you get help otherwise, help yourself im waffling.

Maybe thats what we could do with this thread though. Lets look at LITTLE things that make us feel happy, try and appreciate them and not let the black clouds take over.

Am definately liking the positive outlook on this thread. Know what you mean about counselling - I too ended up treating it as an intellectual game and getting little out of it. I also felt occassionally it was a whinge-fest and felt ashamed of that.

I am suspicious of self help too but will try this one as the psych said that it was actually supported by heard research and I really, really don't want to take ADs forever.

I find that all the talking I have done in the last few months to various professionals has actually made me feel worse. It has focused on the aspects of my personality I like least and made me question what kind of person I am.

Like you, I think I need to stop focusing on feeling bad - just stop thinking about it and maybe that will allow me some space to think about other things.

onwards and upwards - feel a bit shaky today, i know why it is, i don't have definate plans (how sad am i!). Oh well, off to the medicine cabinet , then we might go to the beach - aha, a plan!

Yes go to the beach and don't think about feeling shaky - the more you think about it, the worse it will get!

absolutely SHITTING My pants - My old supervisor has given me the opportunity to do a talk in a primary school about wasp stings (which of course i know nothing about ) there is a meeting/training session tomorrow - arrrrghhhhhhh scary stuff.

LEM, you sound exactly the same as me, infact i really could of written your post

how are you loopy? how are things "down below"?

How did the meeting go LEM? How are you feeling about giving the talk? You don't HAVE to do it do you? Although I bet you will be fine!

I agree absolutely that a problem with counselling can be 'over-thinking/analysing' rather than recognizing/acknowledging feelings. I find feelings much harder to identify/manage than ideas/principles.

redshoes, it went well thankyou It was odd being back on campus, even though things had changed it was like i had never left. I think the science day is going to be lots of fun, we get to play with ants and acid . It will be like nina and the neurons!! So im quite excited just now, be nervous next week though. It was good to be back in the working environment, made me realise i actually did miss it. I am very much still considering teaching as a career now, however was talking to someone today who went back on a training fellowship after a five year break (she is much brainier than me mind) and that i would be elligable to apply for funding, hey ho, choices choices - fuck me, i have choices!!! .

Im going to go back to my doctors soon and say that i really want to adress my anxiety as this is holding me back now, i can see that.

I have had to come back to this thread today to remind myself of what i said at the begining of the week.

My DP had a counselling session on the phone with the consumer credit people (a charity) and basically, what they told us was - sell the car, sell the house, we are insolvent so may as well get out while the getting is good, there will be no profit on the house as the creditors will all be able to take it . So, that was a great help then . What we were lead to believe was that they would talk to our creditors on our behalf and get them to give us a bit of time The debts are not that huge, bug of course they are if there is no money. So for the sake of about 10K we stand to lose everything. I wouldnt mind but those debts were acrrued to keep our heads above water rather than frivulous spending.

SO!!!!! Ive made this thread, i NEED to stay positive, how do i do that? Seriously, help me someone, because i am not sure i can manage.

I want to help my DP, he has struggled on alone too much. Im going to look for a job, but that doesnt do for the meantime, what about childcare etc? I want to make the right decision!

I am still positive, but im struggling, any ideas?

No ideas LEM but wanted to speak up so you are heard. You will manage though, becasue you HAVE to

thanks loopy. Yes you are right, we HAVE to, its time to take our heads out of the sand and fight for what we have worked for.

Hi LEM, you helped me on a thread a few months ago when I was struggling. I really appreciated how kind you were. Can't say much of use back, sorry, but in terms of the money stuff have you been on the debt free wannabee forum on the money saving expert website? There are people there who have survived despite being scarily deep in debt, and they are really good at making useful suggestions.

LEM, I'm sorry this has all come to a head just as you were getting yours together! Re the debts, could you get a second opinion? I would have thought you could maybe negotiate your debts down/extend them over a longer period to reduce monthly outgoings. Would the CAB be able to help you? Or maybe another debt company? Hope you manage to stay positive x

thanks redshoes and babypringle. I am managing to stay positive. I have to say i was at the advise we were given. The whole thing we are trying to do is avoid selling the house. As for selling the car?? DP drives a van for work so how would we drive DD about? OK so i don't drive but we do need the car, we have to ferry my mother to and from hospital and doctors appointments. The thing is, the car is a mercedes estate so i wonder if the company thought, well if you can afford that......But it is OLD and not worth very much, probably wouldnt even get two grand for it. It is quite frustrating really because we could obviously save quite a lot of money on insurance but we would still have to buy another car and it doesn;t make sense to sell a perfectly good but old car that is reliable for a cheap run about that might well be less insurance but would probably cost more in maintainance and stuff going wrong. There was one obvious thing that they didn't advise us to do, and that was give up on the business and dp get a job!! So something positive has come from it, I am going to sit down and get last years accounts done, im going to look at how things are going this year and we are going to make a decision as to if it is worth carrying on with the business. If not, one of us is gonna get fired ! or hired actually as one of us will have to get a job. I do potentially have more earning potential but have been out of the workplace for a while now. However, it might be that i have to get a job as the way things are in the building industry are not good at the moment. Frustrating though because if we could just dig our heels in and whether the credit crunch storm, we will be an established business when things pick up and do well? maybe!