Is this therapy or something else?

[Westerlyturtle]

I’ve come to the point where I believe I probably need to divorce my husband. There are loads of reasons behind that but the main one is that he had a year long affair. I’m not really looking to go into all the details here, my issue is more about what kind of support I should be seeking.

Emotionally, I feel quite stuck. Intellectually I can see that ending the marriage is likely the right decision, but I’m struggling to actually act on it to tell him and begin the process. I seem to keep circling the same thoughts without moving forward.

I did try therapy, but the style didn’t seem to work for me. The sessions felt quite passive and reflective (lots of “how did that make you feel?”). What I think I might need is someone a bit more direct who will challenge my thinking, point out patterns I might be ignoring, and help me move toward decisions and actions rather than just explore feelings.

Is that still therapy, just a different approach or type of therapist? Or is that more the role of something like a coach? If anyone has experience of finding a professional who is more direct and practical in this kind of situation, I’d really appreciate hearing about it.

There are many different types of therapeutic interventions. Sometimes it’s also about the skills of the therapist and how safe you feel with them. Google Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT). This focuses on harnessing your strengths to achieve goals without a lot of focus on your past trauma. It’s future focussed and seems to be what you’re describing.
Look for a BACP registered Counsellor or Psychotherapist - they have a list on their website. Some EAP’s offer this as part of their free sessions as well.

I’d look for a clinical psychologist rather than a counsellor xx

I would look for a well trained therapist who is registered with UKCP or BPS.
Don’t be put off by one therapist, speak to a few, ask how they work, and see who feels right. It sounds as though you saw a person centred therapist, and that isn’t right for you. Good luck

Whoever you choose they need to be solution/future focused and work towards your self-empowerment. Essentially you need to be happy with yourself. Everything else is fluff.

Sounds like you had person centred before which (as a therapist) I agree can be too passive and reflective. I’m trained as a transactional analysis therapist and there are lots of models within TA that can be really helpful in this situation.

A coach might well be more direct and practical
A CBT therapist - BABCP for info might also be
HCPC for clinical psychologists

Different strokes for different folks sometimes
Sometimes different therapist same model

Also, you don't want to 'act' on your thoughts and feelings about ending your marriage and at the same time you're not happy with your therapist being quite passive. Notice a pattern here?

Perhaps you need to bite the bullet and tell him. Even go on gov.uk and start the divorce process.