Losing yourself in motherhood??

[Chibbsie]

Im 28 and I have a 14 month only and currently 14 weeks pregnant with my second. I absolutely adore my baby girl and couldn't imagine life without her, I love seeing her happy and hearing her laugh and I cant wait to watch her grow with a sibling.

I think im just feeling like ive lost myself, I used to be healthy, I used to do pole sport and I had real strength, I always had my hair curly my make up on and now im 4 stone heavier (before I got pregnant the second time) I eat so unhealthy out of easiness and laziness, i used to live fashion and my figure just makes me want to hide under baggy clothes, my clothes constantly look dirty with toddler food/toothpaste/whatever else shes been into that day! I just can't imagine loving myself the way i used to ive been despising looking in the mirror i hate what I see and I know the obvious answer is to eat healthy and make time for myself but it seems easier said than done

Can anyone relate and has any tips that can pull me out of this funk I just miss not my old life but my old self and I want to be her again

I felt like this for a long time and can really relate, your life is in a huge transition with your old life and self in reach in your memories still. Tbh the best thing i did was embrace who i was in the stage i was in and it felt really freeing, im rubbish at make up but always put a bit of highlighter on and had clean hair and self and really tried to think positive thoughts about myself and what lovely things id done that day or what mundane tasks id acheived with a small child in tow 😂x

I think carving time out for yourself is so important and a little can go a long way. A long hot shower, curl your hair, pop some makeup on, a new outfit, whatever makes you feel good try to take even just a little bit of time to do it!

I would also say though you do lose your old self in motherhood, I don’t think you ever can get that original person back, you have to sort of “meet” yourself again, figure out what makes you feel good now and do that, it is trial and error.

I’m in a very similar boat, have 2 under 2 and my youngest is 4 months old now and although I’m definitely not the same person I was pre-babies I’ve given myself a lot of grace and am figuring out who I am now and what makes me feel good now. It’s a process, it’s not quick, but there is a whole new you waiting x

Yeah thats very true i think seeing all the 'perfect' mums on social media that look flawless and have a spotless house and 3 home cooked meals a day as well doesn't help! It's so hard because i never want to come across as ungrateful because I love being a mum i just didnt realise how much of my spark had disappeared over the last year it feels so comforting to hear im not alone in that! X

@Jellybunny56 sorry im still figuring our how to use this app 🤣

I really appreciate your reply its so easy to start feeling sorry for yourself and I have everything I ever wanted in life so why am I upset? It's just such an adjustment, I knew myself for 26 years and suddenly im different, but the same? It's hard looking back at seeing the difference in myself but I do think me time is a must I just feel so guilty for it I dont know why!! I just can't wait for the day I see myself in the mirror and I can smile at myself!

I think op motherhood does change people and yes, while it is normally a version of them that is a touch less glamorous than when I knew them before dc, it is usually a version of them that I like so much more and has added so much to my friends with dc. (Still love the ones without just as they are, but also love the way motherhood changes people)

I don't EVER look at them and think "you looked so much better when you wore those hot pants when we were younger." Instead I see the ways in which they have changed and love it - often it is a softer, more patient side to them.

I am sure if you think of your friends, you will realise you have a similar reaction - and just try to be as loving and accepting to yourself as you are of them.

I think the images we see can really effect us, i can remember watching the TV programme with the 2 sisters from Towie on, god only knows why think i was trapped under a sleeping baby 😂, but i felt so inadequate and i looked around at my tiny house and non shiney life and felt rubbish, but honestly real life with real people problems and emotions is the reality not the rubbish we are drip fed and do you know once you see through it real life is lovely warts and all. Most people have a normal house that needs things doing daily struggles and a wardrobe there not happy with its the picture perfect life thst people sculpture for a few moments thats not reality, you have a young child and growing another your doing fab as you are x

I understand OP.

What I would say is that I don't feel it's an either/or situation.

I fell in love with my husband when we were 20. I fell in love with him as he was then, at the age he was.

I then got to fall in love with the doting dad he became. And I'm sure it's vice-versa.

(Ditch the influencers btw)