DP on antidepressants and is like a totally different person

[PickledElectricity]

I'm really struggling. I know he is too, which is why he's on the bloody things. He started mirtazapine last year to get him through a really difficult period and stopped in January this year. For about 3 weeks I saw my old DP come back to life. He was more patient, happier, playful and just more like himself.

But he couldn't sleep and was put back on mirtazapine to help with that.

He's snappy, short tempered and just doesn't look "all there" a lot of the time. Gazing off into the distance and not mentally present.

I feel like I'm living with a stranger. I feel like I'm mourning my relationship and I don't really know what to do or how to navigate any of this.

It's all so shit.

He needs to try a different medications or at least a different dose. This is the exact reason there are so many versions of the same medications

It's sedating maybe he could try something else. Fluoxetine helps me

He needs to try another medication. He should see his GP.

How long are you supposed to give it before trying something else?

My DH was the same- I didn't recognise him, he was so angry and unpredictable. I was seriously thinking I would have to leave with the kids as we were all so miserable. He went back to the doctor and tried several medications until he found one that suited him and he has been on it for a few years with no issues. The doctor will help him manage a swap in medication- my DH tried a few before he found the best fit. You have my sympathy, It's really not a nice time, but it will be worth it once he finds a medication that works for him. From memory he gave it a few weeks, maybe 6, before changing.

I just checked with him and he's only been back on it for 10 days!! It has honestly felt like a lifetime 😭

This is wrong.
Mirtazapine works differently to other antidepressants. They’ll have prescribed it specifically for insomnia. A lot of ADs, particularly SSRIs are more likely to exacerbate insomnia than help it. If insomnia the primary issue there are limited options (that aren’t addictive).

He should go back to his doctor and ask for something else in conjunction to treat anxiety/ depression. If the mirtazapine is working for the insomnia I’d say he should stay on it.
I am on it and find it is the only thing that works for my insomnia but I need something else for my mood. It does nothing for that other than the knock on from actually sleeping. I’d say your husband is depressed and or anxious and the mirtazapine isn’t enough for him.

Thank you for that explanation.

I think he is depressed, yes. He had a life changing injury a couple of years ago which has been really difficult for everyone to adjust to. I don't really want to get into the specifics but it's definitely made him depressed. "Dead inside" is the term he used.

I will raise this with him soon.

He did actually go to the GP but some administrative fuck up meant that his appointment was double booked and he saw the pharmacist instead, who told him to start taking mirtazapine again. I'm struggling with the idea that it's only been 10 days. He was on it for 9 months before the break.

I have described myself as dead inside when I’ve been very depressed too.
So sorry that you are both going through this.
It sounds like getting help asap is a good idea.
The other AD I’m on is Venlafaxine and I have found it works very well with mirtazapine as a combination. I had treatment resistant depression and was given mirtazapine only after I had been tried out on about ten different meds first. It tends to come with side effects that can be difficult to manage and it is certainly not for everyone.

I would also suggest getting him to self refer for therapy if he can. I know it's a pain and on the NHS you often have to do an initial batch of infuriating group sessions, but something in there might help. Or they might be able to offer something more tailored to what has happened to him. And the same for you maybe? It sounds like you've been through a lot.