I keep returning to an ex that hurt me

[Realscottishhaggis]

I usually tend to ruminate and send messages I regret asking to get back together/for attention. What’s worse is that he doesn’t always say no but also acts like I have a chance. Rationally I know that there is nothing good about this relationship but try telling me that when I feel like this. This has been going on for years and I’m ashamed of it and always regret it. I will try acknowledging those feelings exist then putting them in a mental box.
Is there anything else I can do from someone who understands

Forgive the cliche, what was your childhood like? We often repeat patterns of behaviour that we learnt or witnessed when we were younger.

Funnily enough my mother was jumping to different men every 2 weeks meanwhile I’m obsessed with the same man years later to the point it’s embarrassing

No one actually died of embarrassment 😏

Any habit, any way of thinking or feeling can be changed. Sometimes we opt for the safety of what we are familiar with, even though we know it's not good for us – a relationship can be a bad habit in the same way as alcohol or emotional eating.

Have you considered counselling or therapy to kick the habit?

Block him then delete his number and all the messages do you can’t do this. Remove the ability to do this and that’s a good start.

No man is worth your peace.

Not a psychologist so take my words with a pinch of salt as they might be all tosh!

Maybe the fact that your mum flipped men so often left you longing for a father figure / security. The fixation on this guy is wrapped in looking to fix that hole that you are struggling with.

My advice would be to try and move on even if you aren't feeling it. Have some fun girls nights out and throw yourself into friends when you are feeling low. Get online dating and try and chat to some new men. Perhaps joining a gym or trying a new hobby.

I do agree that almost everyone would benefit from counselling so would definitely put that high on the agenda if you can afford it privately/have medical insurance (or try and get a referral from nhs).

Also I would watch when you are messaging him. Is it at nighttime just before bed when you might be tired and vulnerable? Is it after a few glasses of wine etc. Try and notice your habits.

x❤️‍🩹