What does OCD look like for you?

[fridayyay4]

I’ve suffered with anxiety for a long time, but only recently realised it’s actually OCD. I thought OCD was hand washing and a spotless home. I thought it all revolved around germs and tidiness.

It’s only recently when I’ve been searching for help for my own obsessions that I’ve realised I have OCD. My compulsions are checking, checking, checking and checking again.

My obsessions and intrusive thoughts have been varied. But I’ve always thought they sound so insane, I’ve never been able to tell anyone. Not even in therapy, as I didn’t understand them and I thought I would be seen as insane.

I’ve had obsessive thoughts about getting pregnant from toilet seats. About having HIV or AIDs. About getting in financial or legal trouble due to something I haven’t realised I’ve done. About doing something wrong while driving somehow without knowing.

The obsessions have made me ill, sometimes have kept me up all night Googling for reassurance for hours and hours. Speaking to customer service teams around the world to make sure I don’t owe them money for something I don’t realise I’ve done. Check, check, checking. But the relief only lasts a couple of seconds before the cycle repeats.

I am thinking of joining up to some OCD support groups, as now i feel at least I know what this is. I actually feel a bit better knowing others have this too and I’m not crazy!

I have all that you describe plus the cleanliness and germs thing.

Covid of course was a double edged sword!

My home is very, very tidy and clean.

The checking is exhausting and I hide it from most people which means I have to avoid some situations and opportunities for social contact.

I have had therapy of varying types and take medication.

Nothing really helps so I just do the best I can to live my life around it.

Living alone makes it easier to cope with because I don’t have someone else finding my behaviours restricting and complaining.

The worst thing has been having to stop driving because I realised my compulsive checking was making me a danger.

It's a horrible condition. My DD has OCD & ASD.
She has good and bad spells and stress can easily tip her into spiralling and catastrophising.
She's had support for it which is helpful. Doesn't stop it happening but helps her recognise when it's an intrusive thoughts.
Learning to recognise them, resist acting on the thought and waiting for it to pass - is frustrating - but can work. It's a 'normal' thought process for most people, but some people are more susceptible to seeing the patterns and reacting to the thought. But it was a liberating moment for my DD to understand that thoughts are sometimes just thoughts and you can let them go (and nothing bad happens) and you can change your thoughts and thus your feelings, but it's your actions that determine who you are, not your thoughts. She ruminates on taboo things sometimes and as a child this made her feel shame which was debilitating. She's still dealing with the thoughts but is in a better place.

Extreme driving anxiety to the extent thst I've stopped.

Is that ambulance for some one I've knocked over?
Did I go through a red light?
Was that a bump.in the road or a body?

I csnt ignore the possibility

My DD has declined to learn as she's worried about this Tbh.