I feel so different…

[Stretchier]

I find it so difficult to get to know people at work. We only go in twice a week but I seem to struggle whilst others chat away. They always seem to have plenty in common, sport, etc and I find it’s topics that don’t do much for me.
I come away feeling like billie no mates whilst they become good friends. What am I doing wrong?

What sort of things would you like to talk about at work?

You may find other people enjoy those things too but don't bring them up as they also think they are the only one who likes it.

You don't have to only join in with existing conversations, you can also try asking "did anyone see xyz" about things you like and see if anyone takes you up on it.

If you are quite quiet at first people often assume that you don't want to join in so will leave you alone thinking it's what you want - it seems like this keeps happening so you need to be the one to make an effort and show that you want to be included.

It's not easy, I used to always be the one in the corner alone and feeling left out, but I eventually realised most people are happy to include people who want to join in, but they won't explicitly invite you.

I can relate to this a lot. I don't watch TV and don't particularly like films or sport which puts me in a pretty stark position when it comes to general chatting. If you want to feel part of the chat my best advise is you're going to have to fake it a bit. You don't have to sell your soul or lie but it helps to express a bit of interest. So, for example if someone is bleating on about Traitors you can say that you don't know much about it and ask them (enthusiastically) what it's all about and if they recommend it. Then you just need to nod along and smile when they tell you how great it is, then say something like "ohh that sounds great" and ask when it's on etc etc etc.

I know that sounds pretty fake but sometimes saying you're not usually into this stuff but you're open to give it a go is enough and they'll enjoy telling you all about it whist you nod along and smile. same with sport, i have zero interest in any sport, i literally couldn't give a s^ so i just ask questions and pretend i'm interested. "are Liverpool doing well at the moment?" "who's your favourite player?" "Who do you think will win this year" bla bla bla, then just let them chat away.

My biggest fakery is with pictures of cats. I love cats to bits but honestly if you've seen one you've seen them all. But i know how precious people are about their pets so now, when anyone shows me a picture of their cat, i act all surprised and say something like "what an absolute sweetie!!!!" "oh my lord, look at his little feet!!!!!!!!!". Its seems to work well and it's just a slight exaggeration to my natural reaction which is to just say "nice."

What you’re doing wrong is assuming that everyone else is interested in these topics. Work small talk is often about talking to someone about shit you don’t really care about. It’s just shooting the breeze. It’s not usually meaningful.