Relationship ocd

[Mummyrj18]

Hi there, just looking for some support .

i have ocd, although been doing great for ages. I used to have intrusive thoughts of not loving my children but this time it's affecting my new relationship. I broke up with my long term partner a year, and since met a new man who I have had such an amazing time with, been really content and felt really happy. But just a few days ago I had the thought do I still love you ? And have spiralled ever since. Overwhelmed with guilt every time he says he loves me, all I can think about is things t annoy me about him, I feel
sick and can't eat.
he is very supportive, but I just feel so guilty, and ultimately terrified it's not ocd and my true feelings have come out. I get intrusive thoughts telling me ill need to break up with him to get relief from the anxiety... but I don't want to. I want to go back to how I was just last week happy and in love. Thank you for reading , can anyone relate ?

Hey op, I can relate fully. Im currently blaming myself for ds being autistic and saying its from when he bumped his head as a toddler and I didnt take him to a&e. Its exhausting and I can shake these thoughts and then I hate myself and just cry. Have you sought medical help? I've previously been on fluoxitine for ocd and had cbt. I've just self referred back to talking therapies

Hey. I can relate also. Ive had OCD for over 25 years mainly the intrusive thought/doubt etc. Ive only just recently started to come out of an episode and I had been feeling well for a good 18 mths or so.
I know the guilt and anxiety is overwhelming but what ive found over the years and 3 complete breakdowns is that ruminating and overthinking and trying to figure it out only takes you further down the hole. I know it's easier said than done though.
Ive found stuff on Instagram by Bryony Gordon and on FB by Shannon Shy, people who have lived experience of OCD not only helpful but comforting.
Are you getting any medical help?

Thank, today is worst day yet... being bombarded in my head with thinking about all my partners mannerisms , appearance, what if I just feel anxiety around him all the time instead of the happy love feeling I head. It keeps telling me I've lead him on , I'm not good enough, that my feelings have been disappearing for a while I've just been in denial. Feel like I need to drink my tea from the cup he gave me to feel close to him and cuddle a silly wee soft toy he gave me at night. I feel crazy . I'm on sertraline but a lower dose than I've had before, I had therapy last year when I was just out of a bad phase and it was helpful but my mind is telling me it's not ocd I'm just using it as an excuse, I feel nauseous xx

As well as the meds, do you have other support/tools to help you when this is kicking in? My DS has ocd and gets therapy and does CBT work and journaling which helps to manage it when the intrusive thoughts and rituals are intensifying. Hard to manage it without some kind of help or it'll keep spiralling, so it's good that you're naming and recognising it but do use the tools that exist (from books or online if you can't get a local therapist) rather than struggle on.

I feel like I can't remember my support tools, I'm just wanting constant reassurance that it's ocd and not really me. I did have a good book that used to help ... I've spoke to my doctor but they never have much understanding of ocd. I keep hanging on to moments of clarity when I feel the love but it's just disappears again and replaced with thoughts of how much he annoys me or that the connection has gone , I feel so guilty x

I should add I've been going for a hard break up with my ex who for months sending me awful messages of how selfish I am and useless etc, and saying awful things about my new partner. Phrases that he said play round in my head constantly

There's so much out there to help you with the tools - you could start here https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/self-care-for-ocd/

And then there's books like this https://www.ocduk.org/shop/break-free-from-ocd/ and no shortage of others. You can't rely on NHS which is too strapped or to let the ocd take over, feeding the problem by saying you forgot so you focus on the unhelpful thoughts instead. Now is a good moment as you're aware of it escalating so take positive steps and get helping yourself to take its power away.

Thank you ❤️ for your time and advice xx

Hope you can feel better soon op. You're not alone

Thank you , same to you...it's hard not to feel lonely in these situations ❤️

It is... especially when battled your own mind