Why can’t I always focus on the good?

[Motheroftheb]

Why is it that sometimes, even though the situation is unchanging, you can feel content/happy with your lot…then at other times your mind is just focussed on the negatives?

Sometimes I can bob along enjoying life and then one day wake up feeling like everything is just wrong, and spend all day going round in downward spirals in my head thinking about all the bad stuff (tbf it’s mostly regarding my marriage, the rest of it is fine)

I do all the things you’re advised to do to support good MH, eat well, exercise daily, get out in the fresh air every day, spend time with friends.

Is this pretty normal?

Well it depends on the content of the negative thoughts about your marriage.

Yes, I think that’s normal moods and hormonal responses, as well as just response to weather/food/recent activity.

We’re in danger of medicalising emotions (sad = depressed, anxious = anxiety), to me the test is your ability to deal with the emotions and bounce back from them. A sad day is fine so long as it’s a one off and there’s more happy days than sad.

Do you track your emotions alongside your cycle? I can almost pinpoint predict when I’ll have a day like that.

ETA: I also agree with PP and what the thought are. It’s not normal to be sad your husband is violent with you because it’s not normal to have a violent husband, for example.

I don't think anyone can always focus on the good.

Only Pollyanna

I don’t really have a cycle to track as my periods have stopped now (I’m on HRT). I’m sure the weather doesn’t help but it’s been miserable since I don’t know when. A couple of weeks ago I was enjoying staying in reading a book under a blanket but this week it’s all doom and gloom.

It’s a lack of intimacy due to his low libido.

Other than that we get on well - I try and focus on that but sometimes become really bogged down with all the thoughts about why he isn’t interested and it overwhelms me tbh. When I'm in this down phase I’m constantly weighing up whether to stay or not - but I look at my divorced friends and their lack of relationship success in middle age and realise that even if I leave, my chances of meeting a decent bloke (who’s interested in me) are pretty remote!

Humans are genetically programmed to be slightly more negative than positive, it's a survival instinct. Otherwise prehistoric cave man wouldn't have bothered taking his spear out with him on a gorgeous sunny day and would have ended up as sabre-toothed tiger lunch!!