I want to disappear should I go to a hotel?

[pontipinemum]

I am feeling so so down today. I have been flat for a few weeks but this pit inside me is sore.

IDK what to do to be honest. Check into a hotel and sleep for a month?

I’m sorry to hear this. Who would you be leaving if you book into a hotel?

Yes I would be leaving my two toddler sons and my husband. the feelings in me right now tho are so intense

I suggest you contact your gp today and tell them how you feel.

Have you spoken to your dh and told him how you feel?

I think if you are feeling very down then going off by yourself is a bad idea. I am in similar position and have been up
and down last 8 months and so sick of it. One thing I have learned/been told is that actually you are better being around people rather than on own. When I was really bad I would ride around on bus for hours so I wasn’t on my own as I didn’t trust myself.
if you are tired and need a
rest then maybe it’s not a bad idea but could you go with a friend or someone? X

It depends, do you need a sleep and genuinely could do with a few days sleep, definitely, maybe get a Airbnb so you can cook basic food so you don't have to get dressed. A few nights to recharge batteries, set some boundaries.
If your low, like dangerously low, please talk to someone who will listen and offer help

I went and got drunk. I haven't drank in over a year. I haven't missed it, I have loved going out sober etc. But when this all got too hard my brain went back to it's old well worn path. I wanted an emergency stop button.

DH is upset understandably but also really concerned. My GP isn't open today but I will call tomorrow.

OP, I’m sorry you are having a hard time.

Do you want to tell us a bit more what is on your mind? It isn’t super clear whether you are struggling with exhaustion of having two young children (very understandable), if maybe you are depressed, or if an alcohol problem is at the centre of things…. Or is somebody treating you badly? Or maybe it’s a combination. Please use this space to share what is going on for you, if you want to.

sending hugs.

I am struggling in general with my MH. I have been going to counselling for 16 months now. It has brought up so much. I've posted on here before. I had a disorganised childhood to say the least. My grandparents raised me from 6 weeks to 10 months. Back to parents. Back to gp's again. Back to parents. They divorced when I was 3.5yrs so I went back to GPs, where a lot of my care was let to teenaged aunts. Never saw my dad again. Saw my mother a few times a year, I would go to her for a few weeks in the summer.

Aged 12 moved in with my mother + step dad. They both got drunk every night. Let me start drinking age 13. It feels dramatic to say this but it's what the counsellor. I was abused, groomed, neglected, sexualised, parentified. Many other things. It wasn't great. I left when I was 16.

My counsellor said I have zero self worth. But that is improving. I had been doing so well the past year with coming to terms with things.

My mother has nearly died from drinking 3 times, I'm not exaggerating. In Nov I went to her house after work with my new boundaries. That made her drinking explode. She spent Christmas in hospital. And actually went to rehab after. She got out yesterday.

We had a family meeting a few weeks ago and DH says I have been withdrawn since then.

You need to be a better parent for your children. You can't keep thinking about your childhood and being a daughter, you are a mother now don't be like your mum. Do routine jobs and tasks and show up as a mum even if you don't feel like it. No amount of alcohol or sleep or running away will fix this, accept your feelings and focus on being a good human for your children. Stop wallowing and revisiting the past, you are here now.

I think you’d need to know that going away for a bit would be likely to have a tangible benefit.

• Why do you want to be alone?
• How would you use that time? Do you need to sleep, do you need some peace to think, do you need some space from all the touch that toddlers bring?

if it’s just an instinctive ‘run and hide’ feeling then will you come out of hiding any better off than when you went in?

I think if you really believe that 2 days of being alone with your thoughts, being able to focus on your welll-being will help, then do it. If you don’t then take some time today to really assess what you need, speak to your therapist if you can, speak to your GP, have a discussion with your DH, and make a plan.

@MangoBodyScrub I strive to be nothing like my mother. I am thinking about my childhood because I am in therapy for it. I am learning how to actually like myself.

@InfoSecInTheCity no running away won't fix anything. I am working through it all with my counsellor.

I was listening to someone the other day talking about the geography problem: that sometimes you think if you go somewhere else (e.g. to France) you will no longer have the problems you are currently experiencing, but unfortunately wherever you go, there you are. Please don't give in to the alcohol demon shouting in your head; that's another desperate cry to escape and get out of where you find yourself now. It really won't help. Sending a hand hold -- take it ten minutes at a time, get some rest if you can, and some respite from toddlers if you can get some would be good too. Is there anyone you can actually really talk to about how you feel? x

@DeQuin I know that running away won't help. And I would never do it. I often think of the Shetland islands or somewhere like that. But my brain will follow me. I have zero desire to drink ever ever again. It does not help. My issues are still the same, DH is upset with me and I'm hungover.

I don't really have many friends.

I’m glad you’re talking to someone and making a plan.

i really would advocate for speaking a GP too and if they recommend it, taking medication. It sounds like you have depression, and sometimes medication is what you need to get some respite so that you can work through the issues.

Oh OP I hope you are feeling steadier today. I am glad you are working with a counsellor. You have been dealing with a huge amount. But it is crucial for you to get back to sobriety for your child. Don’t be complacent. Take the steps you need to reinforce sobriety. I understand the desire to be alone, but being in a hotel room alone sounds like a very bad idea to me right now.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve compassion, and it sounds like you have been doing a lot to get better and take responsibility- going to counselling and staying sober for a year is really meaningful. Time to get back on track. I’m sending hugs.

You're doing all the right things, getting counselling and realising that alcohol doesn't help. Don't let one relapse put you off.

Life is really hard with toddlers, be kind to yourself. The counselling will make things harder as you work through issues. I hope if you ask your husband for support he wil help. Would AA meetings or similar help?

Book into a hotel for a day and night and sleep, watch tv, have a bath and eat whatever you want. It will give you a boost to keep going. Once your head is clearer, you can work on addressing the reason why you’re feeling so low.

How are you today, honey? Been thinking of you x

What are your DH’s parents like? I wondered if you could take the kids and stay with them for a few days. Your dh could say you’ve been under the weather and would really appreciate a couple of days’ company and rest, and some help with the kids as you are exhausted. Also you wouldn’t be able to drink there.

It would provide a complete break, dh would know you are safe .

Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes, don’t be hard on yourself. You can’t run away - I know that because I can tell you love your kids and your dh. Your little family needs and wants you, and you need them.

dh is upset because he cares, op. Remember that and be strong x

@financialcareerstuff I am feeling a lot steadier today thank you. @JumpingPumpkin I do SMART meetings I have always found they suit me better. AA is fine and helps so so many people just wasn't for me.

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud Thank you, I am feeling a LOT better. I have been writing down a lot of the 'early warning signs' that I missed. A physical one was the eczema on my hands massively flared up and instead of treating it I ran my hands under hot (not boiling water) to feel the sensation.

Since I had the family meeting with my mother at her rehab centre I suppose more and more has been going on in my head. Just how much was 'normalised'. I looked fine and I was functioning fine but I wasn't I was actually taking a nap most days at lunch (I WFH) which should have been a warning sign. And I was beyond tired. It didn't matter if I went to bed at 8pm I woke up exhaused.

I had reduced my anti depressants as well. I was put on them for sever post natal depression. The ADHD psychiatrist wanted me to reduce them a small bit before starting any ADHD meds. I had reduced them maybe 4 weeks ago. I have gone back up to my full amount. I think right now I need that buffer. I can look at ADHD again.

@DaffyDuckz My ILs are lovely people. But there is no way they would (could) have the DC over night. Even if I was there I don't think it would be a rest. DH is lovely, but very much so 'you look fine so you must be fine' or just push through. He is a really good 'salt of the earth' sort of guy. But on Saturday when I told him I was completely overwhelmed and I could not cope anymore. He didn't do anything, he is a farmer and said he needed to stay at work. His sister though came and took the 3 year old for a short while which did help. But I still had the 1 yr old so it's not like I could rest. I don't know what I expected him to actually be able to do though.

I am not making excuses for myself, but I think I had a brief mental health crisis. There were warning signs in the run up. But it got the point of breaking. I know I had other options but it really felt like I needed to shut down the world before it completely crushed/ consumed me.

I am not surprised you are struggling, that's loads to deal with and not lots of support. Those seem sensible decisions re meds. How are you doing today?

Hi, I am feeling a lot better thank you. SIL took one of the DC for a good few hours on Saturday which helped a lot. So I do have some support and I am very grateful for it.

My therapist said I need to work on getting more support. Like yes, that sounds lovely but how!! I have made one friend, but a lot of the women I meet are lovely but already have their own circle and don't need a new friend. So the time/ energy needed to cultivate a new friendship just isn't put in. - I'm not looking for friends to actually support me in anyway but just to have friends