Childhood - neglect *TW*

[SneakyZzzz]

This is historic, but something I would like to share as I feel it deeply damaged me and I feel really quite sad about it.
I am in therapy and lots of stuff is coming up.

I grew up believing I had a 'lovely childhood' . My parents are together, married, I have memories of playing with my siblings and some family moments (seaside days out etc)

BUT and here's the but... I do not remember ANY words of affirmation or any physical touch. Like literally never - neither of my parents EVER gave me a hug or said they loved me.
I find it deeply disturbing now that I am a parent myself... And also really sad that they weren't more emotionally available or able to show warmth and compassion.

I'm sure I'm not the only adult in this situation, but I guess I just feel a bit sad that they were so Victorian and cold..!! ☹️

I've put this in Mental Health as I feel it's had a profound impact on mine and has taken me a long long time to come to terms with the sadness I carried

@Todayuneed I was a child in the 60s. By the 80s everything had changed for many but some parents are products of their upbringing. They don’t respond to dc in the way you describe. It’s not possible for everyone to be the same. It’s not neglect, it’s a different style we reject these days. However the vital thing is to move on and do things differently. Not everyone can be the perfect parent and in the 60s love expresses by cuddles was unusual. Never saw it.

Research shows Childhood emotional neglect IS a thing and affects out attachment tendencies for life. If children do not get a “good enough” parent where mistakes were made but on the whole the child felt secure, then they develop coping strategies, even as babies to ensure their survival. If a baby feels ignored or dismissed then they can develop strategies such as people pleasing, being quiet and good or shouting and screaming to get the attention they need. If these strategies work then that becomes a person’s default for life although it can change through secure relationships. I can almost guarantee that all these people dismissing you now as “just get on with it” or “everyone was brought up like that”, have not worked on themselves in therapy and continue to use their own patterns developed in childhood.