Help me stop overthinking everything

[Travsmam]

I am retired from a 32 year job which was in a government service. I was a manager after working my way up through the ranks. I was strong and confident. After retiring I got a small part time office job. I’ve been doing it about 3 years now. My problem is my managers. I find them so lovely and supportive one minute then the next they are having a real go at me over silly little things and I’m struggling with the change of personalities.

When they go at me I do stand up for myself but I seriously ruminate for days and days afterwards. Then I go back into the work environment and everything is fine.

I just need some help in stopping overthinking everything and letting it spoil my time away from work. Any tips on sorting my head out would be greatly appreciated.

I guess the first thing is whether they have a point? Are you making repeated mistakes? If so, this is what's causing you to think on it. If not, then I'd be weighing up whether the hassle was worth it.

No, not making mistakes they just aren’t seeing the whole picture and making assumptions. An example, after a fire alarm at work everyone was being checked off on several lists outside the building. I was doing a list but one of our bosses needed a pen so I gave him mine and borrowed from someone else. I then got it in the neck for not having a pen. Tried to explain but the person in question wouldn’t listen.

I really just need help to stop overthinking things. How do people do this?

I don't have any easy answers or any answers at all really, but I relate.

What I find is that when I 'react' in work situations, it is usually because I've become 'attached' to the issue, to my own sense of pride, or to some desired outcome, or I feel hard done by. If I hold on to those things and think about them again and again, it just gets worse. If I can let it go (how I do it - I put it down on paper, and try and reframe it all so I can have a less attached perspective on it) it all seems to evaporate.

That, and doing some meditation each morning (I do 10 mins as soon as I get up) seems to be helping me stay away from rumination.

Thank you for that. I’m glad it’s not just me but it’s awful when it’s happening isn’t it. I’ll try your method see if it helps x

Yes. I spent YEARS with a 'washing machine brain.' Constantly thinking, worrying, in minute detail. It really affected other things, too, e.g. sleep.

Gotta just remember ‘who gives a shit?’ They’re not your parent or your friend so if they’re upset let them have their tantrum and internally roll your eyes. They’re not going to fire you, and if they do so what?

Jobs are never forever.

OP why not go do something completely different ?
My Ex boss did this , completely leave the office environment.
She retired & works 3 days in a flower shop , she loves how relaxing it is !

Thank you all for this. Honestly…..you’re so right, internal eye roll……love it 🤣🤣. You know what, a flower shop sounds lovely. I’ve even looked at a funeral parlour 😮

Perfect answer…. Love it 🥰

If they're not justified in what they're saying (ie. you disagree with them) are you sure they're not trying to p*ss you off so you'll leave? No-one has the right to be rude to others at work.

That had crossed my mind 🤬

Keep an eye on that - it can happen, I know because it happened to me. I realised that 2 senior managers were bullying me - I played along with it for months and kept a record of everything. I'd seen them do the same to my colleagues too, blatantly, all they wanted was a reaction and a reason to get rid of people. A very toxic atmosphere but I needed the money and my MH really suffered. Looking back I should have left whilst I was able, unfortunately it ruined my life. I haven't been able to work since and we lost everything as a result, I had a young child too. One of them had been my friend for 8 years & we shared an office. Funnily enough she runs away if she sees me now. They were both senior nurse managers, NHS Hospital.

Oh that’s awful. I really feel for you. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re ok now. I’m starting to keep a record of everything. X