really unprofessional councellor

[MarbleTastic]

Hi there - I've namechanged because very sensitive subject.

My DH had psychodynamic therapy about 7 years ago. I recommended a practice that I had had counselling at - but he was obviously given a different counsellor to the one I had.

I suggested - and he agreed - that he would benefit from counselling due to abusive and controlling relationship with his DF and his abuse of DH's DM when DH was a child. DH's DM left the family home due to this as times were so different then (and she had no choice) and DH was 'brought up' (in a manner of speaking) by his DF. We are talking the sort of thing that would result in intervention and convictions if it happened now. DH struggles every day with the consequences.

The therapy DH had was instead centred on DHs life at the time, his relationship with me, our DCs, and work and home life.

The therapy ended abruptly after 6+ sessions with an email from another therapist at the practice saying that the therapist could no longer see my DH.

I have subsequently learnt from DH that:

• The therapist tried to kiss him
• she said he would be better off with her than me
• She cried in some sessions
• She told him I was controlling him
• She did not want him to talk about his childhood.
• She hugged him

That's just the top line.
The icing on the cake: the practice tried to get DH to pay for the remaining sessions he had agreed to. He didn't.

This resulted in some pretty big issues for us unsurprisingly. All I will say is that I am not 'controlling', for the record!

I an reflecting on this and wondering if we should be reporting this - and to whom? What are the codes of conduct for counsellors, and what are the consequences to this sort of behaviour?

That does sound like very strange behaviour but why is it coming up now after 7 years? Is she registered with BACP or other professional bodies?

Coming up now because recent events with family mean Dh really could do with some counselling and we've been talking about it.

Yes she will be registered because it was a proper counselling service

Your DH was vulnerable as a client and no one should blame him for not bringing this up before.

I hope you find a good, well supervised professional and your DH is able to get the support he needs.

The facts seem to that DH’s counselling was abruptly halted. With another therapist intervening.

DH is now claiming that this was due to wildly inappropriate conduct by the therapist but didn’t mention it at the time. How did he explain the abrupt end of sessions?

You need to fact check this. This was a practice you had previous experience of and recommended. They are registered with professional bodies. Another therapist intervened to sanction the ending of sessions. DH remained financially responsible.

None of DH’s claims were mentioned until the proposition of more counselling was made.

Do you really believe that DH is so irresistible that his claims are true? Or that a qualified therapist, regulated by a professional body, would exploit a vulnerable client in this way?

Occam's razor - it is more likely that he is lying.

It’s extremely unprofessional and unethical. I’m studying counselling myself, and this goes against everything the BACP’s Ethical Framework sets out. Boundaries are imperative, a counsellor should not engage in any type of sexual contact with a client. They shouldn’t even counsel someone they know. They shouldn’t cry or talk about themselves, the complete focus should be on the client.

I would definitely complain, find out if they are linked with the BACP or similar, and report it to them. Counsellors who behaved like that can do real emotional harm to people who are already vulnerable.

Does he have a history of being dishonest?

BACP have no power to do anything it is a voluntary orgnisation and should not be held up as the standard. If it was a psychodynamic therapist then their professional body is BCP so might be worth having a look to see if still registered.
OP do you believe him firstly? If so that is completely unethical and damn right wrong but please see my above comment.
We are not regulated as a profession and it is so wrong, hopefully she took it to supervision, the supervisor contacted the company and that is why another therapist stepped in, hopefully if it happened she lost her job! But that would be the worse thing that would happen, she can work still as again we aren't regulated.

Firstly, your DH would have to make the complaint, as he was the client. You wouldn't be able to complain on behalf of another adult unless there are capacity issues.

If this did happen, then it is very serious in terms of how a professional body would see it. However, counselling is not a regulated profession - its governance is all voluntary and the title is not protected, meaning basically anyone can call themselves a counsellor or psychotherapist. And there is no legal requirement to be a member of one of these professional bodies either. In practice, to be employed, even freelance, with an agency, most agencies will require proof of registration. But not all do their due diligence, especially in checking that registrations haven't lapsed.

If the practice he went to is still in operation, their complaints process would be the first port of call. If the therapist is no longer working there, then it would be up to you/him to find out if she is registered with a professional body - it's usually either BACP, UKCP or NCPS. DH can also make a subject access request to get his records from the practice. Whether or not they will have them after 7 years, possibly, but possibly not, as 7 years would be the usual statutory limit for retaining records for audit purposes.

These main counselling and psychotherapy professional bodies set a three year limit for complaints - the conduct being complained about should have happened 3 years ago or less. This is 7 years ago, so depending on who the therapist is registered with, it would be up to the adjudicator as to whether they would deem it in the public interest to pursue an older complaint. The more evidence he can submit of course, the better. Emails, texts, anything he might still have, any correspondence from the other therapist who advised him she couldn't see him any more.

Surely though whether it is the BACP or the other one you mentioned they can remove their affiliation with individual counsellors? So individuals can no longer claim any link to them. Genuinely interested.

The lack of regulation generally is terrifying really. There should be?

Makes no difference as many, many, many therapist don't want to be in the BACP club, so would go to NCPS etc, I'm accredited by them BUT only because I work with the NHS, BACP its a club, like a football or golf club, as a therapist as there is no regulating body anyone can say they are a therapist and also can set up in PP, I know of just qualified level 4 therapist who the week after qualifying set up in PP.
The ethical framework is a guide, you can decide or not to follow, I wish that wasn't true, I wish for regulation and I wish we had real professional bodies that work for us, not against us.

DH tells me pretty much everything that happens to him, (to the point of boredom sometimes) and then I have to remind him sometimes years later. He did tell me at the time, and I just sucked it up. People tell him stuff and confide in him endlessly - I've seen it in action. He was the vulnerable one in this situation. Not relevant whether I believe him anyway though.

Seems pointless to complain now as there is no real sanction anyway. which is terrible.

What really upsets me is that I was cast as the big problem in his life, rather than the towering inferno that is his childhood and ongoing behaviour of his DF (who he chose to go NC with more recently)

What really upsets me is that I was cast as the big problem in his life, rather than the towering inferno that is his childhood and ongoing behaviour of his DF (who he chose to go NC with more recently)

Wow. Way to make your husband being exploited by a predatory therapist all about you and your feelings.

This does not remotely sound like the full story. What did the email from the practice terminating therapy say? Perhaps it was something to do with a conflict of interest if you had used the same practice albeit with a different therapist. Also you do not know what your dh talked about in therapy. Most clients do start therapy by talking about their current lives and relationships and it is likely he chose to talk about his relationship with you. Typically links to the past would not be made until later in the work. As regards the termination I wonder if it was your dh that tried to kiss or wanted to kiss the therapist. It is very common for clients to fall in love with their therapists and this might have been the reason for the termination if dh acted on his feelings. Btw it is not unethical for a therapist to shed a tear in session if they are particularly moved by the client's story.

I don’t think that’s fair on the OP.
Also, OP, remember that you are hearing everything 2nd hand through your DH’s filter so you don’t actually know whether the therapist was blaming you for anything.

It's entirely possible the DH was using the sessions to moan about his marriage and family life, rather than for the purpose OP thought he was using it, and a therapist can only go on what a client tells them. Nobody gets to dictate how someone else uses their individual therapy, much less to complain about what their spouse talks about in that space. Sexual misconduct is a whole different matter, however.

As someone who has dealt with a lot of complaints regarding MH provision in my time, including therapy, most people whose loved ones have been exploited by professionals don't tend to describe their own hurt feelings as more upsetting than the harm done to someone they love. It sounds like OP wants to complain mainly because the therapist slighted her and that is more significant to her than the egregious breaches of professional boundaries and impact on her DH. I just find that strange.

How come your DH went through all 6 of his sessions without mentioning any of this? It’s highly inappropriate, unprofessional & completely unethical, not to mention an abuse of her position & potentially damaging to your DH. It’s the worst it could be in terms of malpractice. Also how did he go through all six without mentioning to you that it was not psychodynamic or that his therapist was acting completely inappropriately? I don’t disbelieve you or him just don’t understand how you only know now? In terms of what he should do he should write to her professional body and seek guidance as to how to complain about one of their members & also raise a complaint with the practice.