Pretty sure I'm having a 'midlife crises' - does this resonate?

[SlB09]

Basically this is inside my head and has been for months now:

• unfulfilled by my job (previously happy in it)
• a sense of regret of where we live/moved to
• looming sense of parents ageing
• sense of I don't want to live the second half of my life like this/time running out
• not feeling settled

-wanting to run away and tell everyone to fuck off (that ones probably hormonal!!!)

• feeling like I'm not living true to myself
• the want, almost need for some sort of change and like fundamental change in life

I'm struggling to round the circle on this one, I may be slightly depressed I guess but it doesn't feel like that (I have had depression before) this feels more like I just know that I can't carry on working,living,behaving as I have done or I'm going to be full of regrets and die lonely and unhappily!! It's actually spoiling real life now but I fantasies that it being different would just feel more intrinsically 'me'.

It's a midlife crisis isn't it?!!
Anyone had this and settled back down without major change, or was there something fundamental to change and that kind of jerked you out of it?

Hello.

Yes possibly mid life
do you have dc
I sympathise

I have one DS

I’m feeling exactly the same, thinking of selling my house when my youngest gets leaves this summer, jacking in my job and using the money to back pack around the world!

Now I know I might not actually enjoy this, but it’s the the idea of the freedom that’s so appealing. In practice I love my house, am quite a home body who needs loads of quiet downtime and my job is objectively brilliant. So I’m not sure exactly where this feeling is coming from.

I have noticed a lot of people feeling similar though. Wondering if along with menopausal hormone stuff it’s also a reaction to the state of the world today, and wanting freedom from the dying gasps of capitalism & patriarchy. A sort of existential crisis combined with mid life. Don’t know what the answer is, and think the best advice in these situations is sitting with the uncertainty until it becomes clearer.

I had all of the above. I changed my job but it didn’t help. The other big stuff didn’t feel possible to change so I tinkered round the edges a bit (new hobbies, more travel) Its got a bit better now that I am post menopausal (no HRT). I feel more resigned now that this is my life and it’s probably a bit late to radically change it.

I have all the same thoughts and worries. I plan to move back to any large city in the UK that I can afford as soon as DS finishes secondary school in a few years...

I despise living rurally (well it's a rural tiny city - more like a big town full of betting shops and Poundland!) and I worry my life is being wasted in this dreary humdrum hell hole. I want excitement and a buzz.

(my ageing parents were never really fond of me so I shan't be providing their care. Appreciate that isn't the norm)

I'm feeling exactly the same and have done for a few years. Want to make some changes but also worry they won't help. I'm going to have a career change and see where that leaves me feeling. Also talking about moving when both my kids go to uni (within next two years) but would be away from friends etc but closer to family. It's a difficult one and you don't want to make too many changes at once !

I felt like this towards the end of my 30s and sold up and moved from the south west of England to rural Scotland. Worked out brilliantly for me and no regrets 25 years later. I say go for it. You have one precious life. There’s no script. We are all improvising.

@coolcahuna yep, want to move closer to family but that would mean further away from friends and that side of things. Worry I'll do it and regret the whole thing and feel even lonelier than I do now. Plus husband isn't keen. But @Shrinkhole I'm also scared of getting to the point of feeling 'resigned' and full of regret and living a mediocre life that I'm not happy with.

I guess I'm trying to gauge if it's something that passes or those thoughts actually signal something needs to change. Or maybe abit of both.

DS is 8 so I also feel like I'd be plucking him out of a really lovely school with a good group of friends potentially for not as good a school. Waiting until he's leaving school is a. A long time and b. Parents will v likely gone by then.

Thank you @EveryKneeShallBow that's really reassuring, and the 'one life' sentiment is where my heads at atm

@SlB09 Thinking back, it would have been easier for us to relocate while DS was in Primary. It's much harder to do when they're in Secondary.

I think not making the move during the primary school years is my biggest regret.

Because we'll be almost 50 when we move and that might be quite tricky to do! Especially with finding work at that age. And new friends ☹️

@SlB09 yes it's a big decision and maybe one to sit with if you're husband isn't keen.
@Beanbagssfeel exactly the same. We would be moving in our 50s which could be a good idea to make friends before retiring ?

I spoke to DH this morning @coolcahuna and he made a good point about it being a great opportunity to join new groups especially in our 50s! Feel more optimistic now. I love looking at places on Rightmove ☺️

I haven’t entirely given up on the idea of making a big change. Just I have parked it and it doesn’t feel as urgent as it did a few years ago. I am not as acutely irritated/ depressed by my current circumstances. Maybe the small changes I did make are enough eg regular walking in nature and trips to look forward to. I do still plan to move to the countryside away from the boring suburbs which I find oppressive but I decided I can wait until DC leave home and I can wind up work. I’ll be mid to late 50s by then. I think the feeling is a sign of something needing to change/ unmet needs in you but you might be able to fix it in less drastic ways like just ditching some stuff you don’t like (eg I encourage DH to see MIL on his own now because life is too short for me to spend any more than minimal time with her) and intentionally adding in more that gives you joy. I started a trip/ holiday fund that I save into regularly and I use it for short breaks and look out interesting stuff to do like gigs and the theatre. I do book these regularly and don’t wait for high days and holidays.

I kind of think it will be easier to make the move in our 50s and make new friends via work etc before retiring. Alot of my friends are all over the UK now due to them also making moves and if you want to see people, they will make the effort I reckon! Plus we're hoping to move to the Coast so hoping that will be appealing.

I feel the same:

• Parents getting older and health starting to fail.
• Only child so all the responsibility falls to me.
• No wider family.
• No children of my own.
• Facing a future on my own one day.
• Job is ok but doesn't pay well. Have been doing it for many years and feeling bored.

I'd happily go to sleep and never wake back up if it was an option.

I feel similar although no family, kids of my own. Wondering every day if it is only going to get worse from now on.

My house has just sold and I am now in the position of 'What now?'
I have waited for this time for ages (youngest now moved to uni) and now I am fearful of what to do !

Travel does appeal but don't know for how long .
My job can be done remotely but it's lacklustre (only been doing it a few years)

I feel the same! I'm probably a bit young to blame it on the menopause and kids too young to make plans for when they finish school. I'm about to do a major and exciting career change - terrifying but in a good way compared to the terror of feeling like I'm watching my life dribble away in safe boredom.

Do you feel in crisis? Or just feel bored? Changing your job or looking to move elsewhere isn’t necessarily a dramatic crisis moment. It could just be the next stage in your life…

If you’re considering swapping the job to join the circus and start dating a 20yo, dying your hair red and getting a sports car then it might be a MLC 😂

@Strawberriesandpears @biedrona it is a lonely place to be, I think made worse if your someone who ruminates, and like me ruminates about things that havnt even happened and imagine a future that may not be true!!!

@LadyCrustybread I think it's more a gutteral feeling of there's something that's not fulfilling me and massively more aware of how short life is and how quick it goes so why live in mediocrity, as @Underthemoon1 puts it life dribbling away. Like that's how it feels and I'm wanting to fix the dribble!!

But then I don't know what is a normal amount of just getting on with things, life isn't perfect for the majority of people and do I just have to learn to be grateful for what I've got?!

So I am really keen on moving into horticulture from a senior nursing job. My job pays well, we have a lovely house bla bla bla but none of that matters to me really. I was brought up in a farm and feel I'm living so far removed from my roots. But again, is this nostalgia and reflecting on my parents getting old and wanting a piece of this. Who knows! A psychologist would probably have a field day!!!