Had a terrible boss who caused me severe mental stress, I cant move on from it

[Worriedmum029337]

Its been 6 months now since I left a job that I loved but had the most terrible manager who has caused many people to leave. She is the most awful person. She caused me a huge amount of stress. I left the job with no other job to go to. Since then, I can't get it out of my mind. I think about it every day. The injustice mainly that this person is still there happy as Larry whilst everyone else suffers and leaves. My old colleagues dont really keep in touch with me but I've found myself messaging them alot asking them about how everything is etc. Why cant I move on? Ive had another short job since then that i dont even think about. I dont want to give this woman headspace but everyday its in my thoughts and I don't want it to be. How can I forget about the place and move on?

It sounds like you need therapy. I had a horrible toxic work situation. It does pop into my head now and then.

Out of necessity I had to get a new job. One thing I found helpful was having EMDR therapy, but that was because I realised I had cPTSD from multiple past traumas and this was just another one. I think CBT may also be helpful with intrusive thoughts. Also focusing on some self care , maybe some group coaching sessions to rebuild confidence and resilience. Or just some plain old talking therapy. Spend time self regulating yourself when the thoughts are triggered. The situation is not happening anymore. You are safe.

One thing I learned is that some people see the world in entirely a different way to me, even though on the surface there may appear to be similarities, and that's ultimately okay.

It is confusing. Sometimes I think bless you to my old boss and sometimes I think I hope they are doing badly! Which is terrible! But I don't think I'm too hung up on it; everyone I think has a job or two they want to forget, it's a gift that I'm no longer in that situation thank god.

Maybe message the colleagues and thank them for support and say for self care reasons you need to move on so you won't be in touch with them again but hope to be in touch again in future.

Also, if it helps, anyone who does take an employer to tribunal - it is such a stressful process and turns people into a shell, so in many ways you've taken an easier route of leaving and given yourself the gift of moving on. Rediscover yourself and take your passion onto the next thing.

I sacrificed a chunk of pension to take early retirement when I was so stressed by my awful twat of a boss. Its 4 years ago now, but those feelings still spring up in me when I hear a certain ringtone. I probably should look at getting therapy, but I can't face it. I've discussed it with ex colleagues at social get togethers, but it comes flooding back and that butterflies and sickness feeling from my throat to my bowels at the very mention of his name, makes me avoid all conversation about the twat.

Not sure what the answer is really. People tell me time heals. I'm trying to fill my time with only good things now.

What happened? If you officially left your job under 3m ago (so if you had gardening leave up until now) you could claim constructive dismissal

I left the job last summer. I have deleted the colleagues from WhatsApp to tey and stop the temptation of messaging them .
I am the most non confrontational person you could ever meet. Im everyone's friend. Im a likeable person and try to do good. I have never disliked anyone for any reason. I can see good in everyone
But this person I cant. They conjure very negative feelings. I feel anger and hatred towards them and want to see them fail. I am sick of allowing this person headspace. They dont deserve it firstly and I just want to forget about them ! But don't seem able to . Maybe therapy would be a good idea

It is true that time is a healer, but you also need therapy… I had 2 lots of counselling which helped a bit.