To indulge or contradict hubby with severe anxiety

[madgiemadge]

We have some real problems with our house that need fixing before we sell it. My husband cannot cope and thinks it is beyond us to organise builders etc. I think we just have to get on and cope. Should I join him is worry or tell him it will be ok. He is on anti depressants already and has a long history of depression. I don’t know how to treat him.

He's saying he won't organise the builders? He's scared of being ripped off? Or he won't tolerate them working on the house while he's living there?

You need to calmly find out what exactly it is he is worried about. Cost? Disruption? Obviously it is anxiety inducing finding and employing trades to do big jobs.

If he is totally unwilling to engage with it I don't see why you should have to do it all. Can you literally not get away with selling the home as it is?

This thought record is good at helping people rationalise anxious thoughts;

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ThoughtRecordSheet7.pdf

I would check that the cost of repairs will give you an increased sale price before you go any further.

Given the cost of tradespeople and materials it might be better just to sell the house as it is? You might not get back the cost of the work if you have it done.

How will your husband cope with the stress of moving?

Yes that is a good exercise thank you but I cannot reach him with these sorts of things.

Thank you for your comment. He cannot accept the professional’s advice. Even though its commonsense.

Yes we need to have a serious talk with the agent, you’re right.

Yes I agree, thank you, you’re right.

Thank you.

Ok, so he doesn't believe the work needs doing? To me that's different from having anxiety about it. But it could be a way of him trying to avoid it as it's so anxiety inducing, claiming it's not necessary when he knows deep down it is?

Who is it says you definitely need it? Would you be prepared to sell without doing it? Can you afford it?