WWYD child struggling attempted suicide and ND

[WildRoseMentor]

Dd (12) is really struggling at school.

She finds it very noisy and is overwhelmed trying to follow the school rules, and deal with social situations, in the noisy environment.

We suspect she has ADHD and the school agreed and referred her. The waiting list is long so we are considering going private.

She does have a large group of friends but can struggle with a couple of frenemies who are also in the group.

Things came to a head recently. We were trying
to help her, she got upset, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose. Thankfully she came out and we managed to get out of her what she had done.

We are now treading on eggshells wondering what to do. Spoke to the school who arranged that she can take time out if needed during the school day.

However it's a struggle to get her to go to school at all.

Anyone been in a similar situation? I feel like such a crap parent.

Is there any possibility of homeschooling? My DD is 9 and autistic and struggles with school but is managing just about. I have in my mind that if she struggles at secondary I'll try to homeschool but I know it's not as easy as that depending on your situation. How terrifying for you, and awful for her to feel that way. X

And just to add you're not a crap parent. Being a sen mummy is hard and there are no guide books. You're doing your best for her x

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I don't really want to go down the homeschooling route if at all possible. Getting her to do anything is quite a challenge. We both work from home, in lots of meetings, so think she would just end up on a screen most of the day. It would reduce her social connections too. Tbh we can't afford for one of us to stop working, as have other kids to support too. Also think we would struggle to help her educationally. She is dyslexic and even reading with her is a challenge.

I was hoping she could flexi school, go in when up to it, stay off when not but the school prefer she's there all the time.

Think I'll see how the next few weeks go and maybe revisit the homeschooling idea but it doesn't fill me with enthusiasm.

Absolutely, it was just one suggestion, and you know what works best for your family. I would probably say have a further chat with the school and explain the difficulties. There must be support out there for flexible learning like you're thinking. I've not had to go down this avenue yet so I can't really advise. Have you tried contacting CAMHS? They might have some more experience to advise. I really hope you find something that works for you.

I’ve been exactly where you are. DD refused to go to school, had major friendship issues, took several overdoses and was finally diagnosed as autistic aged 15. I feel that was really the turning point for her and wish I’d been able to get it done sooner. If you can afford the ADHD assessment privately, I would recommend getting it ASAP.

since then things got better for her -ask your school about what alternative education provision your council offers and how you can access it - my DD was able to access an outreach programme where teachers came to our home 3 times a week, which meant she got 4 good GCSEs, and then a place at college. 4 years after diagnosis she is thriving, 2nd year at uni, great friends, lovely boyfriend, much more confident and much happier!

Thanks so much for your comment. We are pursuing the assessment privately. I'm going to see how she goes re school and will ask about alternative education provision too. It's not an easy journey is it? But at least it sounds like things are getting better for your daughter and you.