When did you realise you had reached burn out?

[illogicalllama]

NC on here but I’m a frequent poster.

To give some context, I have two preschool aged children (who are going through some kind of sleep regression 😖) they spend 2 nights a fortnight with their Dad but everything else is upto me.

I juggle this around a high pressured full time job (compressed working week over 4 days).

I have PMDD and am perimenopausal.

Things I have implemented to try and help: Hired a cleaner for the house once a fortnight (still end up cleaning every day but it helps!),
am on Citalopram, try to exercise regularly, am in therapy, on the 2 nights the kids are with their Dad I try and have a good sleep, am on progesterone and estrogen gel but still have heavy periods which can last weeks at a time. Have had blood tests and levels are all fine.

I have family support but nobody who is willing to take the children overnight. My friends are all too busy with their own partners and families to take much time to check in with me. I’ve always been the “strong and capable” one and I think that people just assume I’m ok, even when I’ve expressed that I’m not.

Work has changed dramatically in the past few months following a huge takeover, people I’ve worked with for many years have left in swarms and the supportive culture that was once there has gone.

I feel constantly exhausted and overwhelmed yet lack motivation to do things as I struggle to focus. I’m just about getting by at work but I feel like I’m on auto pilot, some days I’ll be talking and it’s like my brain shuts down mid sentence and I can’t finish what I was saying. My brain feels like it’s constantly bouncing from one idea to the next but never actually finishing a thought. Not sure if that makes sense?

I feel like I might be getting close to burnout and am starting to wonder if I need to take some time off work, maybe get signed off- this will go down like a lead balloon with my boss but honestly I don’t know how sustainable it is to carry on like this.

To be clear, I’d never harm myself especially as I have two children who depend on me, but sometimes I fantasise about having an accident and be physically injured so I could rest without question. I know how stupid this sounds.

Has anyone experienced burn out? Or similar? What did you do? Sorry if this is all a bit chaotic as a post, running on 3 hours of broken sleep before a full day at work.

This sounds tough, my DH suffered a burnout, it was slow and gradual until it wasn't and then simple tasks became insurmountable and working became no longer viable.

As a mum of 2 , it gets better and easier but right now you are in the trenches. Can you afford to reduce your hours to allow yourself some breathing space? If not is a nanny an option?

I could have written this several years ago. The takeover and the culture change, everyone good leaving. It was so awful. I was working 80 hour weeks and trying to look after two DC as a single parent.

The moment I knew I was really ill was when I was driving to work along the seafront in busy traffic. I had this overwhelming urge to just get out of my car, leave it there, and walk onto the beach. I didn’t, but it was a close call.

I quit that job and my life has improved so much I can’t tell you. I freelanced for a year before getting another “proper job” and now enjoy work again.

Take time off and have a courageous look at your options. 💐

When I woke up in hospital missing a couple of days of memory. But the signs were there and quite similar to how you describe. I just kept going and going and going. I was actually diagnosed with a mood disorder but I think these things are all a bit of a spectrum. I really feel for you. In my case, I went to doctor a few times., told my husband but I think when I thought I was overcomplaining I was actually under complaining. I have to live a much quieter life now to avoid relapse and never made it make to work. I’m older than you so took early retirement on medical grounds.

I suspect if you’re asking the question, you know the answer but maybe it’s not the one you wish it was. If you have money to, I would up the cleaner to weekly and maybe see if you can get overnight babysitter. You don’t have to leave the house but you get a lie in. We did this when my DH was oncall and I had a kidney infection.

Thankyou all for your kind replies I hope that those of you have been there (and have partners who have) are all doing better now.

Unfortunately reducing hours at work wouldn’t be possible, although I could take the financial hit, I know in my role it wouldn’t be allowed and even on a short term basis there wouldn’t be the support to do it.

My life has been pretty challenging for years now following split with my ex-DH when kids were v young. I feel like this has been building up for some time as I have just been running on adrenaline / autopilot. Work was my “safe space” but the recent changes have meant I don’t feel secure at work anymore and it’s really made things challenging.

Im actively looking for new roles but in the headspace I’m in, I can’t imagine sitting through an interview, knowing my brain could just go blank. My confidence is extremely low which is ironic because on the outside I probably look like I have everything together.

I know something has to give, I can’t forgo my parenting responsibilities (unlike their Dad!) so work will have to be it. Despite hating the idea of being signed off.

It’s the strong people who burn out this way - when they find themselves in an untenable situation and just keep going anyway.

if you do decide you need to go off sick -sounds like you do - then be careful not to fully stop. I appreciate you will still have the kids to look after but, in addition, movement is really important to keep your body on an even keel in these times. Walks and gym etc - whatever you enjoy.

Thankyou, this is good advice @WinterFelinePurring. Unsurprisingly I find it really hard to fully relax and do nothing, almost to the point I feel guilty when I rest unless I’ve “earned it.” I love walking and being outside though work and kids makes that a challenge but I would be conscious to keep myself “gently busy”

Do you have any childhood trauma? I used to think my ability to quickly gain insight into other people’s moods and wishes plus my ability to keep going were my strengths - it was a shock to realise it’s hypervigilance and a trauma response.

Yes I do @WinterFelinePurringand as a result I’m the “fixer” in most situations, always picking up on emotional energy (preparing for threat response I guess!) and very empathetic. I’ve done a lot of work around this after my marriage and other relationships as I recognised I have taken on other people’s pain and problems as my own, often with them having little regard for me. I’m a lot more protective of my space these days but old habits do die hard.