Postpartum depression and grief

[Myrtl3kiD]

Hello everyone! I thought I'm
not going to post here thinking I'm ok. I had my 3rd child a year ago now, but I was so scared of falling into depression again (I had previous one after 2nd baby) so I keep reminding myself I am ok and I will be okay. Unfortunately, my father passed away when I was only 5 months postpartum and living abroad away from my family I was so heartbroken that I couldn't do anything to help him and be with him. Decided to go back to work thinking It will help me, but 1st day of work I have to look after an end-of life patient and after that shift my whole world fall apart. I feel so guilty and sad and blamed myself for what happened to my dad. Everyday I cried, I couldn't function. I feel like I'm functioning because I have to look after my children and my husband but forgetting my own self. The sadness is so overwhelming that I just want to sleep if I can. I know this will pass but it's hard. I seek help from my GP and now I'm on medication. It's hard when have no mum or siblings here to help me or even to talk to. 😞 😔

I have taken a time off work, don't know how long I needed, anyone else been through like this that can reassure me. Many thanks!
Sorry for the long post.

You are dealing with a lot there and there is no one -size -fits all when it comes to grief for a father even if you are grieving from an 'I was OK at the start' beginning. You have a not-ok start because of your post partum depression.

My experience of grief is that you will instinctively know what will help you so go with your gut and don't let anyone pressure you. If you feel being busy will help go with that. If you are feeling work isn't the place for you right now, then look at organising a break if you can whether that is via a formal break, a short sabbatical or just being signed off sick for a period.

Grief counselling is really helpful as you get support from someone who is trained and experienced in what happens when you are grieving.

I'm sorry for your loss and all the thing you are dealing with. grief is very very hard to navigate and sometimes only a minute at a time, or a hour at a time rather than a day at a time is they way through.

If you haven't read this on bereavement worth a look:

https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/d9685e/grief_comes_in_waves_important_message_from_8/