Will I always feel like this

[RascalQueen]

It’s my birthday today which I know I should be excited for. However, 11 years ago on my birthday my father went into a hospice. It was only meant to be temporary respite but within two weeks he’d died.

I struggle with my mental health and am now taking medication to try and help but every year I absolutely dread my birthday because it reminds me of that time. I don’t know how to move forward from this feeling.

I have two children and I made sure that my husband didn’t book going away on my actual birthday as I wanted to be there in the morning and when they got home from school. I need that closeness but not sure I’ll ever get that closure.

I hate when people ask if I’m excited for my birthday because the real answer is ‘no’. Will this memory always overwhelm me on this day?

Probably but it will ease in time and don't feel guilty to actually enjoy it dad would not want misery xxx

Would it help you to have some counselling OP? I don’t think you have to always feel
like this, but perhaps need to find a way to move forward and remember your Dad on your birthday, but remember good things about him, or nice times you had.